I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know the heartbreak, as I too can relate. I lost my beautiful daughter on October 3, 2018 at 26 weeks. This was my first pregnancy and it has been incredibly difficult to accept.
There are what you can make of good days, and there are bad days as well. Whether you believe if things happen for a reason or not, these are things we have no control over unfortunately. As hard as this is, there will be a rainbow at the end of this storm. There is always a silver lining - even if it’s hard to accept. Losing my own baby, I can’t understand why this would happen. Yet, from my own past experiences, whenever something difficult and heartbreaking happened in my life, it has been later when I would finally understand why.
I have days where I cry all day and wonder why. And although it’s getting harder the closer I get to what was to be my due date, I also know that staying in this spot will not change anything. Therefore, getting better - mentally and physically - is best when we are individually ready to do so.
I don’t know if you believe in God or not, but I believe God answers with the following: “no”, “yes”, and “not yet”. Thus, please do not think that you are being punished. I too have to remind myself that we must look around and see and be thankful for all of the blessings that we do have. Our babies were simply too beautiful for Earth.
From one heartbroken mother to another, I am here if you want to talk. Praying and sending you love for a rainbow.