Learning to grieve our little one

 Everything was going fine. I thought to myself that I got through the first trimester it will keep getting better from now on. I couldn’t wait to find out the gender of my baby. I was one out of four pregnancies that I knew of. I was happy to be able to share my happy moments with the other future mommies. My fiancé and I went in for our detailed ultrasound to find out our baby’s gender we waited so long we didn’t care as long as our baby was healthy and our heart broke when we found out that, that’s exactly what our baby isn’t. We were so heart broken and we also found out that our baby wouldn’t make it outside my womb. Our baby had chromosome abnormality. I had to get a D&C done. We are still waiting for our baby’s  test results from the genetic doctor. It’s so hard to leave my house or even look at my stomach knowing my baby isn’t with me anymore. It gets hard at times seeing everyone else around me still pregnant. There are times where I feel like I am fine then I have mini breakdowns. With the holidays so close we were hoping this would be the last Christmas with just us two and our little one will join us next year. I get upset because I can ask “Why Me?!” so many times but I know nobody will ever have the answers. We lost our baby at 20 weeks. We are trying to remain strong and grieve the best was possible, even though there are times where I can barely keep myself together. We have hope and will keep praying that we will have our rainbow baby one day.

1 Reply

  • I am so very sorry for your loss. It must have been awful at that appointment. I know how much your hearts are hurting. Know that the tears and mini breakdowns are normal. Being around or seeing other pregnant women was really hard at first and sometimes still is. Let yourself feel it all and just take it one moment at a time. I know you had plans. Continue to lean on each other. With even more holidays approaching, you find out who supports you even at your worst.

    Sending hugs,

    Lindsay
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