My husband and I both share infertility factors and last August I went through IVF journey and we got pregnant with a healthy boy. On December 24th 2019 while working I started feeling a lot of pressure and it became uncomfortable to walk. I went home and the cramping became worse. I had no idea what was about to happen and how it would change my life forever. Once I noticed bleeding I went to emergency and I was sent straight to labor and delivery. When I was there they monitored my sons heart beat and contractions(they said I wasn't contracting wow). I was able to hear his heart and I was still able to feel his movement. Once the doctor checked me, she said "im sorry to tell you, you are in preterm labor and theres no chance to save your baby. I was only 22 weeks. My first reaction was to ask my husband if he heard what the doctor said. And then I cried. I cried like never before. So many emotions were living inside my heart.
It was Christmas eve and I didn't want to ruin any of my families time with their kids and loved ones but I had to let my parents know. As soon as they found out they rushed to be with my husband and I. We then all shared the saddest moment of our lives. I started feeling the contractions more and more until it was unbearable and I received the epidural injection. The Doctor offered me a medication to take and have the baby come sooner. BUT I was not ready to let him go. HE WAS STILL ALIVE. How could I rush to let him go. my cervix was incompetent and I had a bacteria infection. My baby was fine. all I could do was blame myself.
Then 4:30 am came and my water broke. And at 6:33 I gave birth to my angel on Xmas Day. He was 11 inches and weighed 1 lb and 7 ounces. He was so beautiful. We were able to hold him and say our good bye. BY far this was the most difficult experience I have ever had to go through. I will always carry my baby in my heart and I know he is a good place. I do cry. it hurts so bad. There are so many moments that I will not get to live with my baby. At times I feel deprived/robbed of my mother hood. I know that's its not the way to go but I just don't know how to feel anymore. I do have a very supportive and loving husband and family. I guess it'll take time. Every time I see a little boy I imagine how my son would have looked like. What would he have liked.
I still hope to have a successful pregnancy one day. It's not something I am ready to think about. But I am not getting any younger. I pray for better times. I am still trying to figure out how to handle my loss. I don't have any suggestions. I found this group because I need to vent and I hope it helps...
Hello I share the pain for the loss of a son.