Gone Too Soon

This is really hard but I will share my story. I have a few health issues & was not even certain I could get pregnant. Then that day came a positive test. I was at work screaming with joy. I went home as fast as I could to tell my boyfriend the good news. Honestly best day of my life. A few weeks went by and we got an ultrasound. It showed the sack growing but no baby inside, we were heart broken. We then had another ultrasound a few days later to make sure & bam our baby was there. We were full of joy such a miracle. Well Friday I went to my 11 wk check up so excited to get the ultrasound I had been waiting for. Then the heartbreak came. It showed that our babe stopped growing at 9wks & had no heart beat. My heart has never been so broken. Now I am left with a choice to wait to let nature take its course or get a D&C I do not even know what to do, let alone think straight. I work in the medical field & being here right now is rough to say the least. Does anyone have any advice? I already miss my little angel.

4 Replies

  • In reply to I will alway carry you:

    Thank you for sharing your story with me. It always seems to help when you vent. I go get my D&C Tuesday. I know a lot of people like for it to naturally happen but emotionally I just can’t. I just hope it doesn’t happen before Tuesday but I think it will. I have been having horrible cramps & the other day that with back pain. I was the same soo happy when I got pregnant. Everyone keeps telling me well this shows that your body can get pregnant & to try again. I know they are trying to help but no words or actions help right now. Today I’m emotionally a wreck.
  • In reply to enana30:

    Hello I share the pain for the loss of a son.

    My husband and I both share infertility factors and last August I went through IVF journey and we got pregnant with a healthy boy. On December 24th 2019 while working I started feeling a lot of pressure and it became uncomfortable to walk. I went home and the cramping became worse. I had no idea what was about to happen and how it would change my life forever. Once I noticed bleeding I went to emergency and I was sent straight to labor and delivery. When I was there they monitored my sons heart beat and contractions(they said I wasn't contracting wow). I was able to hear his heart and I was still able to feel his movement. Once the doctor checked me, she said "im sorry to tell you, you are in preterm labor and theres no chance to save your baby. I was only 22 weeks. My first reaction was to ask my husband if he heard what the doctor said. And then I cried. I cried like never before. So many emotions were living inside my heart.

    It was Christmas eve and I didn't want to ruin any of my families time with their kids and loved ones but I had to let my parents know. As soon as they found out they rushed to be with my husband and I. We then all shared the saddest moment of our lives. I started feeling the contractions more and more until it was unbearable and I received the epidural injection. The Doctor offered me a medication to take and have the baby come sooner. BUT I was not ready to let him go. HE WAS STILL ALIVE. How could I rush to let him go. my cervix was incompetent and I had a bacteria infection. My baby was fine. all I could do was blame myself.

    Then 4:30 am came and my water broke. And at 6:33 I gave birth to my angel on Xmas Day. He was 11 inches and weighed 1 lb and 7 ounces. He was so beautiful. We were able to hold him and say our good bye. BY far this was the most difficult experience I have ever had to go through. I will always carry my baby in my heart and I know he is a good place. I do cry. it hurts so bad. There are so many moments that I will not get to live with my baby. At times I feel deprived/robbed of my mother hood. I know that's its not the way to go but I just don't know how to feel anymore. I do have a very supportive and loving husband and family. I guess it'll take time. Every time I see a little boy I imagine how my son would have looked like. What would he have liked.

    I still hope to have a successful pregnancy one day. It's not something I am ready to think about. But I am not getting any younger. I pray for better times. I am still trying to figure out how to handle my loss. I don't have any suggestions. I found this group because I need to vent and I hope it helps...
  • In reply to enana30:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry for your loss. I have endometriosis and my tubes are scarred from it. So the shock of getting pregnant was the best feeling. It’s good knowing that I can get pregnant but the blow of loosing my angel trumps that right now. The hardest part is I haven’t actually miscarried yet. The waiting game is not doing well to me. I am at work right now cramping horribly & my back pain is on 10. I meet with a Dr tomorrow about the D&C but I think it’s going to happen sooner than that. Trying to move on is the hardest thing. I randomly break out in tears.
  • Hi. I am so sorry for your loss. I also didn't think I could get pregnant and finally after 2 years of being off bc I finally received my first positive. I was jumping from joy. I had experienced some bleeding during my 9th and 10th week, but thankfully my baby was ok. And then during my 20th week a few days before our gender reveal I experience some pain and then developed a fever. I thought maybe I had a cold, but the next morning I experienced pain again which was apparently contractions. When I got to the hospital they told me my water broke and I didn't think of anything the day before because I thought I was discharging. My little baby was still there and had his heartbeat, but because I developed a bacterial infection I had to give birth to my baby in order to prevent the infection getting into my bloodstream. We had a little boy ='( It was the most devastating day my boyfriend and I have ever had. I didn't want to let him go. and since he was 20 weeks he was to little to save, he had no organs developed to get put into the NICU. That happened in June last year. On thanksgiving, I found out I was pregnant again, but had a very early miscarriage the week before Christmas. Not sure what caused it. But my advice to you is CRY !!! CRY ALL THAT YOU WANT ! CRY ALONE, CRY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, BUT VENT ALL THAT YOU CAN ! NEVER blame it on yourself which is what I did for weeks when I lost my son in June. You did nothing wrong. And i'll tell you like people told me at least you see that you can get pregnant. Whether it was a lost or not, there are women who unfortunately, can't get pregnant. But you did ! And you can always try again and for the next time, just make sure doctors are on top of your visits. I had a notebook I used to write in for my baby, I also speak to him time to time. He or she is now your angel and will watch over you the next time you pregnant and you will ! Bless you guys and your little angel.
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