My Two Angel Babies

I was recently diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome...But It took the loss of two my two boys and 7 1/2 years to figure it out.

 

July 2011 I delivered my first Son via emergency C-section at 25 weeks. Logan was with us for two days before he left us.

No real explanation was given as to what happened with me and why.

 

December 2018

I was assured a repeat of my first pregnancy wouldn't happen. I was concerned, I voiced it, I brought in all of the paperwork from Logan....Not one peep from the Doctor. I was just about to see a new Doctor but plans changed. Wyatt was stillborn at 25 weeks.

 

March 1st I was diagnosed with HELLP and at that moment in the Perinatologist office all of my anxiety was gone, I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt Hope again. We have been given a 30% chance of having a baby with the help of the Perinatologist. We felt determined. We felt Hope. Faith.....

...Now, a month later, I am second guessing everything. 

I miss my boys. So much. I am trying to keep my focus on the positive.

I am trying to keep in mind that I am meant to be a mother and that no one can rob me of that.

BUT IT IS HARD. 

 

 

2 Replies

  • In reply to lvazquez:

    Thank you, so very much for your support.
    I am so terribly sorry for your loss as well.
    These past few days have been good. I do have my moments, sadness, rage...But, like you, I believe that we will have a chance to do it right. Until then, just need to focus on healing as much as possible.
    Again, thank you and I hope that you are doing ok.
  • Welcome to Share. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your son Logan and your most recent angel son Wyatt. There are no words that can take away the pain and anger. I was in a similar situation with our son ten years ago. I was high risk with a history of severe preeclampsia and I was treated like a normal patient without any issues. Our son was stillborn at 30 weeks. I was even at home on bedrest. I still shake my head at the lack of care. Seeing a peri and now having a diagnosis is information you can use. Know that it is so normal to second guess and rethink it all. You are grieving and it's all very normal. It is a decision that only you can make when you're ready to. I firmly believe that with a good plan in place, with a knowledgeable and watchful physician, it is possible to get a healthy outcome. For now, take care of you: kick, scream, cry, eat French Fries, binge watch, run, journal, break dishes - whatever you need to do! I'm sure you're like me with a lot of thoughts going on upstairs. You take all the time you need.

    Thinking of you,

    Lindsay
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