Worst day of my life

My husband I had just gotten engaged when we found out I was pregnant in early April of last year. I was so scared as we were trying to plan our wedding and buy a house and now we were having our first baby! My husband was surprisingly excited. We've always been the kind of couple to just go with the flow. Flash forward to November 13, 2018. My husband and I had gone to our 35 week ultrasound that morning at 10. The nurse said my blood pressure was high and that there was nothing to be concerned about, the doctor would call later. My husband went to work and I went home and took a nap. I woke up to a call from my doctor saying I needed to come back next week for steroid shots because they were going to induce me in 2 weeks. 5 minutes after I got off the phone with my doctor, I went to the bathroom and had a huge rush of blood come out of me. I was rushed to the hospital where they found that my son, Thomas, was barley alive from the lack of blood he was receiving and they did an emergency C-section. It turns out I had preeclampsia and I had an abruption. His lungs were under developed and he couldn't breathe on his own. He kept having seizures that lead to a massive stroke that caused him to lose majority of brain function and it was something he would never recover from. He was born on November 13th and he passed away on November 18th where he was surrounded by his grandparents, his uncles and aunts and his parents. Thomas was created from love and was loved from the moment we realized we were blessed with him and is continuously loved even as our angel. My husband and I are really struggling at this time because the numbness has wore off. Yesterday was exactly 6 months since we've lost him and I'm feeling every bit of it right now. I wouldn't wish this feeling on the worst of people. I know I'm not alone, but most days I still feel empty. My husband and I want more children in the future and we will always tell our children of their older brother who watches over them and protects them everyday. 

1 Reply

  • Hello and Welcome,
    I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby boy. I lost my daughter 12 years ago this February. I to remember the emptiness I felt, knowing she wasn't with me anymore and that I couldn't protect her. When your loss is coupled with a traumatic even such as yours, the feelings of loss can be overtaken at first, and then when you have time to process it can seem like it started up all over again. This is a safe place to share your feelings. I hope that you continue sharing here and receive some small comfort in knowing you aren't alone in any of your feelings. Wishing you strength and peace as you navigate your journey.
    Love and Hugs
    Brandi
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