Wife is pregnant after a loss at 22 Weeks

Hi,

My wife is thankfully pregnant after we suffered a loss 22 weeks.  It was a week after we found out it was a boy. Yesterday she found out that she had a UTI infection and has to take antibiotics.  She naturally freaked out and fell apart (they said an infection might have caused the first one happening).  My concern is that she's going to be really fragile every day until this child is born.  How do I help her out?  I need her to not be stressed and to tackle issues if and when they arise and to stay strong.  She will not recover from another loss like the one we had.  Any advice you have is welcome.  Thanks.

6 Replies

  • In reply to CharlieAllene's mom:

    We also lost a child around 22 weeks and went on to have our Rainbow baby. Speaking from a wife's point of view I am not sure there is really anything you can do to ease the fear and anxiety she is feeling. That is just something that comes with the territory. I thought that when I was pregnant I would "relax" once I made it to 24 weeks. That didn't happen. I remember driving in for my scheduled C-section at 36 weeks feeling my baby move the entire drive yet still feeling like I was going to leave the hospital without a baby. Even once she was home I had these fears. The best thing my husband did was just listen and validate my fears. He held me when I cried, told me when he was scared too and just let me be an emotional mess. Knowing that I didn't have to hold my feelings in made me feel so much better.

    Maybe having your wife join Share would help also. For me knowing that I wasn't alone in my crazy feelings helped so much.

    Sending you both lots of positive thoughts and hugs,

    Jami

  • In reply to CharlieAllene's mom:

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost twins at 22w5d in March 2007. It's nerve-wracking being pregnant with a loss, and then finding out something is off. I had several UTIs with my rainbow pregnancy, and was on antibiotics for at least the last half of my pregnancy.

    The fact that you are writing on this site is of tremendous support, and I applaud you. I agree with the others in having a solid plan for this pregnancy -- and making sure that if something comes up that you have the freedom to bend your doctor's ear any time you like. That made a difference for me.

    I would have wanted my husband to hold my hand when needed, to cry with me when needed and to reassure me that we'd move heaven and earth for this pregnancy to end in a full-term, healthy baby.

    erin

  • In reply to CharlieAllene's mom:

    May God bless you and thank you for reaching out and for the advice.  I am hopeful for a great outcome.  

  • Welcome to Share. Congratulations on your rainbow! I'm an angel mom as well. We lost our third son at 30 weeks. I can only imagine the emotions while carrying a rainbow. I can understand not feeling any relief until your baby is safely here and in your arms. I hope that she has a good doctor whom you both trust and a plan. With my second and third pregnancies, we had weekly ultrasounds and NSTs to make sure that all was going well. I didn't know about this site until after my pregnancies. It has been such an amazing line of support for over 5 years. Like most, she just needs you to listen, be heard. I hope she visits us on this site.

    Thinking of you both,

    Lindsay

  • Hi.  Welcome to Share.  Congratulations on your pregnancy.  I am so sorry for you earlier loss.  I know how scary it is to be pregnant after a loss.  I had my rainbow son 2-1/2 years after I gave birth at 26 weeks and my daughter passed away.  

    I don't know if its possible to take all of the stress and anxiety out of pregnancy after a loss. I am sure just being there and being understanding of her concerns is helpful.

    The things that helped me were making sure I had a good plan in place with my doctor (I had frequent visits, a cerclage and progesterone shots) and having Share Your Story and all the people on here who had been in my shoes before.  Please let your wife know about us, we'd love to give our support both of you.  

    I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and hoping for a healthy 40 weeks.  Please know that we are here for you both.

    Marissa

  • Hi and Welcome to Share,

    There are many on this site who will see your post and have some helpful advice. I am not sure that I, personally, have advice.

    But, I am terrified of being pregnant again. If I found myself in that position, I would have to take it one day at a time (or one minute to the next if that's all I could handle). I would concentrate on the things I could control such as eating healthy and taking care of myself. I would try (try being the operative word) not to worry about the things that were out of my hands.

    I would want my husband to let me express my fears but yet help me remain optimistic.

    I don't know if any of this helps. Our situations are very different. But, I wanted to offer something. I'm keeping you and your wife in my thoughts.

    Rebecca

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