Loss of daughter/fearful of trying again/active pregnancy vs. bedrest/Preterm Labor and IC

Hello everyone, my husband and I got pregnant with our first child in January. I went into the doc office for a regular ultrasound at 23.4 weeks and they saw that I was funneling and short/pretty much no cervix left and sent me straight to L&D and started me on Mag and steroids. Turns out I had also been contracting for weeks (I did not know that contractions just felt like pressure, I thoght it was just her moving around in me). They told me they did not see me making it through the weekend still pregnant. I made it 8 days and our beautiful daughter was born at 24.5 weeks via emergency c section due to placeta abruption after my water broke. She was in the NICU for 3 weeks on a ventilator, on BP medication and with IVH level 3 and 4 on on both sides of her brain causing hydrocephalus. She got pneumonia during the 2nd week and did not seem to be improving and her brain bleeds had caused irreparable damage. We made the decision to let our little girl go at one day before her 3 week birthday. This is the hardest thing we have ever gone through and although I know I will want to try again at some point (the doc said to wait at least 18 months) I am so scared. I know the doctor said next time I would be started on 17p shots and would be monitored for cervical length in case I need  a cerclage. My worry is that I will break through the cerclage if I don't get the more invasive cerclage (TAC). My other question is I was SUPER active during this pregnancy (I taught fitness classes and worked out everyday and was on my feet all day at work and only sat at my desk every now and then to answer emails). This makes me wonder if 17p shots and not working any more (staying off my feet, unlike last time) would be enough to help me get further along. It is all just so overwhelming!!! Any advice or experiences would be truly appreciated!

4 Replies

  • Welcome to Share. I am very sorry to read about the loss of your baby girl. I hope that you are taking your time while you grieve. It's such an emotional journey and can't imagine all of the decisions you both had to make together. My heart goes out to you. I also had a placental abruption. I had a blood clot too and our son was born sleeping at 30 weeks. I know that having a careful plan in place and being on the same page with your MFM and other specialists can help give mom and baby a better outcome. Everyone is different and each pregnancy is different.

    I was on bedrest for a couple of days before being admitted directly to the hospital. My first son came 8 weeks early and spent time in the NICU. I was a teacher on summer vacation when I delivered my second son at 34 weeks. I was on early bedrest at 21 weeks with my last pregnancy, but not really as I had two younger children to care for and no extra hands at home during daytime hours. If only I could go back, but unfortunately I don't think it would have changed our outcome. With being high-risk, I am a firm believer in staying off one's feet as much as possible, frequent visits, NSTs, and ultrasounds, relaxation CDs, a good plan, and positive support.

    You do what you think is best for both yourself and baby. I would strongly encourage listening to your gut though when selecting your team. I was not on the same planet with the OB I was involuntarily transferred to within the practice. It's 6.5 years later and still going strong, but I am nowhere near forgiveness. This site has helped sort out so many emotions. I hope that it can do the same for you and offer more comfort and support along your journey.

    Hugs,

    Lindsay
  • Hello and Welcome to Share. I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I think wanting to have a TAC done instead of a traditional cercalge is a very good idea. With my last pregnancy I had a TAC placed at 13 weeks, started receiving 17 p shots at 16 weeks and delivered at 36 weeks and 4 days. I was a scheduled c-section because of a history of HELLP syndrome in my first pregnancy. I wasn't showing any signs of labor and if I had to do it over again I would have pushed my delivery date out further. I was just scared and thought she was safer out.

    As for your OB suggesting you wait 18 months did he/she give a medical reason for that? After my daughter passed away I was only instructed to wait 8 weeks and I had an infection when I delivered her. My daughter was born at 23 weeks.

    The Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist I saw for my TAC gave me permission to resume normal activities as long as my cervical length was greater than 5 cm. I had bi-weekly vaginal ultrasounds to monitor my cervix and was allowed up without restrictions as long as my cervix wasn't shortening and I wasn't contracting. I don't think your activity level contributed to your daughters early arrival. An incompetent cervix will usually dilate whether you are in bed or up and moving around. There is usually no pain and no symptoms, unfortunately it just happens. I don't know how much research you have done about the TAC but it is much different than a vaginal cerclage. You are basically having the base of the uterus sewn shut at the top of the cervix. I was told it is not possible to contract and dilate without knowing it. It will cause pain and discomfort because the stitch with pull. I haven't heard of anyone's TAC failing. My TAC baby just started kindergarten last week. :)

    Feel free to send me a message if you have any other questions. I would be happy to help.

    Jami
  • I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I do not have experience with the 17p or pre-term complications but I did lose my daughter 8 years ago, due to a chromosomal abnormality. According to many, every pregnancy is different. Usually, activity level during pregnancy that is the same as before is perfectly healthy and recommended by doctors. I think you should listen to your doctor and take at least 18 months to process what happened and allow yourself to grieve and begin to heal. However, I would also say to simply "follow your gut" and if something a doctor says or diagnosis doesn't feel right, get a second opinion. I wish you peace as you navigate all of the impending decisions. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
    Love and Hugs
    Brandi
  • I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I do not have experience with the 17p or pre-term complications but I did lose my daughter 8 years ago, due to a chromosomal abnormality. According to many, every pregnancy is different. Usually, activity level during pregnancy that is the same as before is perfectly healthy and recommended by doctors. I think you should listen to your doctor and take at least 18 months to process what happened and allow yourself to grieve and begin to heal. However, I would also say to simply "follow your gut" and if something a doctor says or diagnosis doesn't feel right, get a second opinion. I wish you peace as you navigate all of the impending decisions. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
    Love and Hugs
    Brandi
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