Texas mom

I am new to this and figuring out how it works. I am in the Dfw area and currently have my second daughter in the NICU. Tomorrow is her two week birthday. To start off this entire NICU thing is new to me. I am a type one diabetic so my pregnancies have both been high risk. Our first daughter (Peyton) was born at 34.5 weeks and weighed 7lb 5oz and was in the NICU for about an hour to monitor blood sugar. We both went home five days later and she is now a healthy and happy five and a half year old. My husband and I found out we were pregnant about thanksgiving time last year. We knew this would be a rough bumpy road of a pregnancy this time around. I have an amazing team of doctors that I saw every month. I saw my endocrinologist (diabetic), nephrologist (kidney), regular ob and high risk ob. To say we lived at the dr office is an understatement. I was put on leave from work in January and told to take it super easy. Everything was going good until I hit about 28 weeks. At that point my blood pressure was slowly creeping up. We knew it would eventually happen it was just a matter of when. I knew each day she stayed in was a better chance she had once she came out. When I hit about 30 weeks the doctors decided at the most I would make it another month, but they were saying two weeks was more realistic. I went to the dr for a checkup on Friday, May 27th. We decided I needed to go to the hospital for observation and begin the two steroid shots to develop her lungs better. My blood sugars stayed surprisingly well controlled (steroid are horrible for type one diabetics, they make blood sugars go extremely high). On Saturday night I didn't sleep. My blood pressure was extremely high all night. I knew I would have her the next day. The doctor came in the next morning and said its time, let's go have a baby! All I could think was I'm only 31 weeks, she isn't ready. She needs more time. Unfortunately, my body was the one failing and I couldn't give her more time. It is still something I struggle with today knowing that I couldn't keep her safe on the inside any longer. I remember going in for my c-section and just praying that she came out screening. I've decided when your child is born that is the only time you are happy to hear them scream! My husband came in then they brought my mom in. The hospital we had her at allows two people in the or with you. My mom is a nurse so we wanted her in there. He just kept telling me everything would be ok, our baby would be ok. Emilee Alden Bowman was born on May 29 at 10:17 am. She was 4lbs and 1oz and 17 inches long. She came out crying. It wasn't loud and it wasn't continuous but she let me know she was there. She went straight to NICU where she got her cpap, Iv, and feeding tube put in. My husband went and saw her when I was in recovery. He brought pictures back and all he could say is "she is so tiny". The next day I was able to go see her. I cried at the side of her incubator. I never thought I would be sitting here with my baby. I went home the following Saturday. Leaving the hospital without your baby is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  She remains in the NICU but has made such improvement. She is a fighter. All the doctors and nurses are in amazement at how well she is doing. She has her cpap and Iv taken out. She is working on a bottle as well. When I called tonight she is officially the biggest she has ever been at 4lbs 3oz. I cannot wait for the day we get to bring her home and start our lives together. I know she still has a long way to go, but she will get there. I am extremely nervous that o e night I will wake up to a phone call saying she has take. A turn for the worse. That is one of my biggest fears right now. How do you get over that fear? Is it something that is always in the back of your mind? Thank you to whoever made it through this, it was nice just to share and get it all off my chest.