Expecting the Unexpected

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On April 10, 2009, my husband and I found out that we were expecting our first baby.  We were elated.  Never, ever, ever did we expect that the unexpected would happen to us.  On October 9, 2009, we said hello and goodbye to our beautiful son Marco within 4 hours of eachother.  We had found out at 22 weeks gestation that he had "multiple anomalies".  The 7 weeks following were full of testing to figure out what exactly we were facing.  In the end, there were no answers.  No diagnosis for our boy, no reason other than a "genetic fluke" for what had happened. 

Our world was flipped upside down as we grieved the loss of our son, our dreams, our innocence.  Life would never be the same as we would forever look at it through a different lense. 

We were blessed with amazing support from family and friends.  My husband and I grieved differently, as everyone does, and we had to learn to respect eachother's way of grieving.  Through both this amazing community and a local support group, I found a way to work through my grief.  I was able to talk to other people who had walked the walk. 

In the months following Marco's birth and death, we decided to take our chances in trying for another baby.  It wasn't easy.  It hadn't taken long for me to conceive Marco, so I was taken aback when things didn't happen quickly the second time around.  Finally, a year and 2 months after Marco had been born, on 12/11/10, I found out I was pregant with our rainbow baby.

Subsequent pregnancy after a loss is very scary and filled with complex emotions and thoughts.  We were hopeful, but scared.  My OB and perinatologist both confirmed that the baby looked healthy on ultrasound, but I really didn't feel like I could fully relax until she was out and in my arms. 

On August 2, 2011, our beautiful Lucia Elizabeth was born healthy.  I literally am getting chills right now as I type this out.  She is such a gift in the truest sense of the word.  She is now a vibrant, funny, and smart almost-2 year-old.  Marco lives on through us and her.  Though she doesn't know/understand much about him yet, someday she will.  She can say Marco's name, and when I ask where he is, she points to the sky.  He is our angel now, watching over us.

As painful as it was to have to say goodbye to Marco, I am so thankful for him.  I would much rather have him as I do now, in my heart and soul, than to never have had him at all. 

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  • Im so sorry to hear of your loss. But like you said, you got to love him even for just a short while. Love like that never dies, he will forever be with you and make you thankful for the new and wonderful healthy baby girl. I hope the best for you and your family.