In our hearts forever

That's a lot of white space! This member didn't add their story yet.

Check back later.
Wow, that's a lot of white space! Your story should be here.

Why not write something now?

I had what everyone thought was a "perfect" pregnancy. At almost 37 weeks the only concern was him being another big baby. ( my oldest son rang in at 9lbs) so I had a sonogram to check it out and everything looked good and he was already around 6 lbs. 3 days after the sonogram appointment and the day after my oldest son's birthday I stopped feeling movement and went into Labor and Delivery. They got my baby moving and kept me overnight for observations. There was no real concern other than his fetal tracing kept being a little off. So the next morning I had another sonogram to check out his heart everything looked good and the doctor even asked the technician why I was there getting a sonogram since it all looked great. Since my babies fetal tracing was still not "normal" they decided to err on the side of caution and induce me since I was now 37 weeks. The only concern was that his lungs may not be fully developed and he would spend a few days in the NICU. I was not scared, I was not concerned. I had a prefect pregnancy the first time and this one was looking okay so I just figured I was going to have a good story to tell as my little guy grew up. Scott was born on June 5, 2012. He never cried, he barely ever moved, and he had no primitive reflexes. (sucking, gagging, swallowing) It was like my baby was in a coma. They ran test after test after test. I think he saw every doctor they had at the hospital. No one could figure out what was going on. The hope that we carried began to fade with each passing day till one day I had Scott's doctor tell us that it was not looking good. That same day we met with all the specialist who had been working on trying to help Scott and there was no positive diagnosis or anything they could do. We watched our baby continue to be poked and prodded. We watch his body start rejecting the iv lines. We knew that the only thing we could do to help our baby was to let him go. So on Father's day after visiting him and seeing his little body covered in bruises and tubes. We made the most difficult decision of our lives and a decision no parent should ever have to make and we told the doctors to pull him off of life support. Our little guy lived for two more days and finally passed on his two week birthday. I never got to celebrate his life and all I had was two weeks of of a roller coaster ride of up and downs and lots and lots of denial. I just refused to see during his first week of life that he wasn't going to get better or ever come home. But I got to hold him, I got to sing to him, his brother got to meet him. I am thankful I was induced when I was for I think he would have been stillborn and I would have never had those precious two weeks. I still hate to this day that my husband and I had to make the horrible decision we did but we knew it would have been selfish of us to continue to allow him to live under the circumstances that he did. The NICU and the care he received helped us get through those two weeks and I will tell people that Scott had many angels and they were his loving, and caring NICU nurses. We recently found out Scott had a rare genetic disorder that affected the neurotransmitters of his brain. We have a 1:4 chance of any future babies being born with this so our oldest son is even more of a blessing to us and we cherish him every day while at the same time miss our little Scott who never got a chance.


Add a Comment

Please Sign In or Sign Up to leave a comment


  • Welcome to Share.  I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet little Scott.  While I know those two weeks were so precious I also know the ache of no time ever being long enough.

    I will keep you and your family in my thoughts,

    Lauren

  • I am so sorry for your loss of your angel Scott. I too know the pain of losing a child. It is a pain no parent should ever have to face.  I know the memories you made during his two short weeks will always stay close to your heart.  

    Thinking of you,

    Marissa

  • Welcome to Share.  I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious baby boy Scott.  I'm an angel mom too.  I hope that you find some peace in the short time he was with you.  You're right, it could never be enough time.  Having to explain it all to older sibling must have been really difficult as well.  I'm still navigating that one myself as he gets older.  Thank you for sharing Scott with us.  

    Sending you hugs,

    Lindsay

  • Hello and Welcome to Share, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little Angel Scott. I know how hard losing your child is. It is an ache that never goes away. No amount of time with your baby is ever enough, we are always left wanting more. I hope your are able to find some comfort here on Share. We are always here.

    Hugs,

    Jami

  • I too am the mommy of an angel baby.  My son Moses was born at 28 weeks with Downs Syndrome and a heart defect that is common with that disability.  He also had other heart conditions.  He had to have open heart surgery at 1 month old but was so tiny he couldn't bounce back.  I had 1 month to hold him and take pictures with his twin brother. Our families got to meet him.  the day he went back to heaven was the most difficult day of my life. But the doctors and nurses in the NICU were my saving grace. I hope that you are able to find peace in it all.

    Erinn

  • I got chills reading your story the similarities are clear and i just want to give you a big hug. Thinking of baby scott who isbin heaven running with my angel skylar

  • I'm so very sorry to hear about Scott's passing. May God be with you and your family through these trying days. I look forward to the day we can welcome those little ones back that we have lost. John 5:28, 29

  • what a heartbreaking decision to have to make in such a young life, to turn the switch to "off"...it was interesting to see that intervention gave your child a short life. what cheers me is that the Creator is in control still and i will see my daughter again, as can all parents if they choose to make this commitment www.youtube.com/watch

  • Thank you so much for your support it is appreciated. Yes Daniella is a fighter she has done more in two weeks that I couldn't imagine.  To have her breathe at room temperature is amazing. I am sorry you had to endure  such a difficult decision for your baby boy. You are correct no parent should have to see their baby suffer. I am happy at least you got to hold him and create a bond but also a memory of Scott. He is an angel watching over your family and his big brother. Even though its heart wrenching you and your husband made the decision that you though what ethically right. I sincerely commend you because I don't  think I would have the strength or courage to make such a huge and vital decision. Thanks again for your support. Many hugs to you and your family may

  • Awww wow so sorry for your loss

  • Thank you for commenting on my story. No one can understand the pain of what happened unless you've gone through it first hand. My baby never cried and had no refluxes either. This happened three months ago and the pain feels even worse today and yesterday. I hope maybe time will dull it. I didn't want to believe she wasn't going to make it. It's nice to connect with someone who understands. Xo