Mama's lil warrior

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i love children, i adore them and have always wanted children, but after age 30 i thought God had decided that it wasnt in the card for me and i was at peace with that. meanwhile i took classes to become a foster mother. on the day my paperwork was done to officially be a foster mom i found out i was pregnant. one year ago today i went to the doctor to confirm that i was pregnant. my happiness was overcome by fear, because 14 years prior i had a miscarraige at 7weeks. i went to the doctor every week and had sonograms to monitor the baby's progress. not only my age was a concern but i was also dealing with diabetes, hypertension, anemia and kidney issues. at 11wks my obgyn wanted me to consider aborting the baby but i said if this is not in God's will He will take care of it. from week 11 to 24 i was on complete bedrest. at 24 weeks i was admitted to the hospital so they could monitor my kidneys closely. at 28weeks pregnant i gave birth so a beautiful baby boy Zacchaeus (Luke chap 19). Z was 1lb 10oz and 13inches long. my doctor didnt want me having any other pregnancies so i got a tubal ligation. my miracle rainbow baby i was head over hills in love with and had so many hopes and dreams for him. with his testimony he was going to reach so many people and bring them to God. i immediately started reading him Bible stories and other books so he would recognize my voice. he had severe lung issues and gastrointestinal issues also. he received platelet tranfusions routinely. i remember the first time i picked him up i was so scared because he was so little he didnt look real. at 5 days old he had a perf in his intestines fixed. he went on to go thru a total of 7 surgeries. through this time he would pull out his breathing tube, pull out iv's, act like the world was coming to a end if he didnt have a pacifier, and my favorite is when he learned that when he held his breath he could make his stats go down and his alarms go off and then people would leave him alone. Z also had a enlarged liver and spleen. we celebrated Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Eve in the NICU. Z actually had some cool milestones like going from a icelet, to a warmer, to a big boy bed. finally wearing big boy clothes, sitting in a bouncy, sitting in a boppy, licking on lollipops, and my favorite one he drank from a bottle!!!! he had a bad week in January and just couldnt recover from it. on Sunday January 29th 2012 my big boi who was a week shy of 6 months and now over 11lbs went to sleep in the NICU and woke up in heaven. this is a fresh hurt but thru prayer and support im maintaing. Zacc was my one and only child and i will forever thank God for trusting me and loving me enough to let me be his mama for the time i had him..I LOVE U ZACCHAEUS, MAMA'S WEE LIL WARRIOR!!!!!!

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  • Hello and welcome to Share.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Zacchaeus.  He sure sounds like he was quite the fighter and gave you many sweet memories to remember with him.  I'm glad that you've got a support system around you to help you get through this, we are here for you whenever you need as well.  Many hugs and prayers coming your way.

    Stacy

  • Welcome to Share.  From one angel mom to another, let me say that I am deeply sorry for the loss of your precious baby boy Zacchaeus.  I have tears reading your story.  It is so beautifully written.  I feel the love that you continue to have for him.  You will always be Zaccs's mommy and no doubt, your little warrior fought hard to stay here with you.  I found this site soon after our loss and it has been a wonderful support system.  I invite you to start a blog if you think that would be helpful to you.

    Thinking of you and your angel above,

    Lindsay

  • Hello and welcome to share. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Zaccheaus. I had tears reading thru your entry.... I am also a angel mommy and I wish no one ever knew the pain of losing their child. I am glad that Z knew only your love thruout his life and he is forever your angel. It is true thank you God for trusting us with our precious angels

    Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry once again

    Brooke

  • Hello and welcome, i'm just in tears reading your story, losing a child is so hard and nothing can compare to that pain, but I am glad that you have God by your side and he is the great comforter. i'm sure little Zacchaeus is in heaven playing with other little angels. We hold the hope of one day holding our babies forever! God bless you always!

    Hugs,

    Claudia Mejia