34 weeks 5 days

Baby Rylan

  • That is such a common question, the will you try again. It has been over 2 months since we lost our baby girl and in just a few short weeks we will reach her due date. There are days I want nothing more than to hold my child in my arms and I can feel a sense of determination overcome me. Then there are others when I cannot imagine trying again. Give yourself time. Time to process, time to grieve. Allow yourself to work through each and every emotion. When someone asks the question just be honest and say you're not ready to try and find the answer to that question. I can't speak from "the other side" as I like to call it. The side of the fence where enough time has passed and the heart has mended to allow you to live with the pain each day brings, a side of healing as some might call it. I'm still working through it myself but I have found  that the honest answer is the best one and it let's people know just what it is you're feeling or going through. Sending thoughts of peace and healing to you your partner through this. ❤

  • Oh my...I lost my babygirl, Amelia Claire, at 34 weeks 5 days on August 5th. My day started normally too. Took my step kids to camp and came home to work. Amelia wasnt active that morning which concerned me so I went to my doctor and at 10:30AM on August 5th they confirmed she had no heartbeat. My world ended that day. My one and only baby and only pregnancy. Delivery was like adding insult to injury. It didnt seem possible that after all that, I still had to go through delivery and I was scared to death. I didnt know what she would look like, how I would feel and I was TERRIFIED to see her like that, dead. In the end, I held her, kissed her little hands and her little feet, dressed my baby in her going home outfit since I knew that would be the only time I would be able to, and when it was all said and done I said goodbye. I wish with everything I have that none of us had to go through this. Its devastating. It changes you. The way a mothers heart breaks when her child dies cannot be compared to any other pain. I wish I had the words to help you. I wish I had the strength to give you. I wish you and I both had our precious babies were here. All I can do is answer your post and offer my story and let you know you arent alone. Say your sons name. Say it often. Talk about him. Miss him, Cry your eyes out. Cry anywhere and everywhere. Dont hold back a single emotion. But remember to also let yourself smile. Dont feel guilty for happy moments. Dont feel like youre betraying your son by laughing. Be as weak or as strong as you can be in any given moment. if all you do some days is brush your teeth, thats OK- thats a win in my book! If your feet hit the ground in the morning- thats a win! Be kind to yourself and when you need us- the other moms whos babies are lost will be here with you to hold you up as best we can. Sending you love and light mama.