I am a 34 year old female who has struggled with infertility and it took my husband and I almost 9 years to fall pregnant. We did six rounds of Clomid and one round of Famara just for all of it not to even work. I was devistated a little more each time and almost just gave up hope. After talking to my husband and getting some normalcy since COVID happening we decided to give it one last try, but this time we decided to go to a fertility clinic. We did have a failed round of oral medication again, but we was given some hope that we wouldn't have to do IVF. So we did another round of oral medication with an injection medication, and that was what helped us get our positive test!
We was estatic, but also nervous because we know nothing is ever garenteed. When we went in for our confermation scan we was completly shocked to see two sacks with two heart beats! Waiting till our second trimestr to tell people was very nerve racking! We did tell close family and friends, but no one else. At ten weeks i had a small bleed, that to me felt like the end of the world, till the doctor confermed ther was two heart beats in there. We thought we was in the clear and when 13 weeks and 6 days rolled around we finlly told everyone! I wanted to announce on my birthday and that's exactly what i did! Everyone was over the moon for us because they knew our struggle they could not wait to find out the genders of the babies just like us. At 15 weeks we had another bleeding scare, this on was a lot worce than the one before. I was bleeding a lot more and a lot heavier. We ended up in the ER just because i could not wait to see my OB the next day! Thankfully the ER was able to confirm there was still two heart beats. At 19 weeks and 3 days we go in for our anatomy scan. We was very nerves and excited to find out what we were going to have. The ultrasound tech confermed they both were BOY's!!!! We was shocked we thought for sure they would have been boy/ girl twins. I had a follow up with my OB at 21 weeks and 3 days and i had asked if every thing looked ok in the anatoy scan and he stated everything was fine. I did ask about my cervix because i had just read about incompetent cevix and shortning of cervix being a risk. My OB stated everyting looked great!
Now we get in to the part of the story on why this is called twins at 22 weeks and 3 days.
I woke up in the after noon to get ready for work, i worked night shift. I go to the bathroom and that is when my world really started to take a turn, i just didn't know it yet. I had mucus that was streaked with blood. I wasn't to worried about the blood because it wasn't alot and i had a blood vessel pop on my cervix before and i just thought this was the same deal. I just was going to monitor it and call the doctor if anything was to change. I was having some pressure but i had, had that off and on through out the pregnancy. The pressure wasn't painful, i wasn't cramping and i wasn't having consistent coming and going pressure. I did notice that it would get better if i was sitting down. I went a head and called the OB. He told me to go to laber and deliver since his office was closing and i wouldn't make it there before they close. I was mad that i was going to have to miss work for the L&D just to tell me this was normal, or so i thought that was how the story was going to go. I get to my hospital and head up to L&D i didn't even call my husband becaue this was just going to be a noramal thing and i was going to go home. When i got up to L&D they had me pee in a cup and change in to a gown, and of course this time there was no mucus, now i know they are going to tell me its normal and to go home. When the resident comes in she tells me we are going to do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound. I was like ok great! Next thing i know the resident is saying "right away i see a bulging sac and thats not good!" I did't know what that meant i am not panicking. I was told im now on bedrest and not to get up, im like great i have to pee. Im trying to call my husband because im now being admitted to the hospital. I had the NICU team coming in and giving me my options and high risk OB telling me the plan and my OB trying to call me to tell me that everything was going to be ok. The plan was to keep me pregnant as long as possible. I got my first stariod shot for their lungs and i was placed on a mag drip for thier brains. i was giving our survival rate of 15% chance of them making it with a 50/50 on if they would have any defficits if they did make it.
The fallowing morning my world was crashing down.
I am now 22 weeks and 3 days NICU wanted me to try and make it to 23 weeks becaue their chances went up to like 41%. Im in bed and i felt wet but i had a Foley in place. They tried to do a quick test to see if i had reptured but it wasn't clear. So we made a plan that we would stay on mag and then re-evaluate at 3pm, for refrance it was about 9 am at that time. well at about 10-10:30 am i felt an odd sensation so i call the nurse in, apparently i now had a gush of blood. The resident comes in and goes we are doing this now! im like no thats not the plan and im having trouble prossecing what i am being told. Next thing i know im in the opperating room getting a spinal trying to understand what was happening. they laid me down once they completed the spinal and let my husband in. He sitts beside me and takes my hand, i remember just holding on for strength because i was about to just turn in to a mess. They pulled my first son our and bring him around for me to see. I remember hereing the nurse saying hes trying to cry. Then what seemed like an eternity later they are pulling my second son our and showing me him. He had such a grumpy look on his face. Then what seemed like forever more they were telling me they were intubated and doing well. I told my husband to go with them up to the NICU while they put me back together. The boys were born one minute apart. And from that moment on my husband was the gofer with updates to me because i could not go up to the NICU until i could move my legs.
My world crashed and burned!
I kept asking to go see my babies once i could move my legs but the post partem floor was busy, so i was just trying to be patient because i knew my babies were ok. My husband kept checking on them and giving me updates. Finaly around shift change my mom wanted to see the boys so my husband takes her up and then says goodbye to my mom and comes back to me and gives me the updates. Our one son was requiring more oxygen but was doing well and our other son had been hanging out and doing ok. So my husband goes im going to go home and ill be back up in the morning call me if you need anything. My husband does not do well in hospitals and he makes me have anxiety so its best he goes home so we can both sleep after this bad day of events. Well my husband is getting ready to get on the elevator to leave when here hears our last name being called. I also have two nurses coming in with a wheelchair telling me im needed in the NICU. I was like what is happening and they said they didnt know, they just know that the NICU was asking for me to be up there. I knew it could only mean one of two things something good was happening or something really bad was happening. The elevator ride down one floor seemed to take forever! We go in to the NICU and i see a nursing desk with three people staring at us as we walk in and i see their faces, i knew it wasn't good. We round the corner and there is a group of people at my son's bedside and the doctor telling me what was happening. Im trying to keep it together so i can hear the words. They were asking my us how we wanted to proceed with our son's care. He had collapsed a lung and they were able to reinflate it but he wasn't able to maintain good oxygenation. They had to keep bagging him back up. The doctor gave us two not so amazing options, we could keep needle decomprsing him to keep his lung inflated or we could place a chest tube that doesn't really help when they are that small. I just couldn't i couldn't get myself together i couldn't even look at my baby i was devistated! They had to do an xray so they took me to see my other son while they did that. I was stairing at my oh so amazing boy when i seen the doctors reflection in his incubator and i just knew the xray wasn't good and now i had to chose to either let my son go or to try for a little more time where i could possibley be torchering him. We oppted to let him go. They handed me my son on my chest and i held him as he passed. it was one of the morst difficult decisions i have ever had to make! I was saying hello and good bye at the same time. My son Lincoln James lived for a little over 9 hours. His brother Samuel is still here fighting to stay. It has been 32 days in the NICU with ups and downs and loopdy loops.
I have a group for Samuel where your more than welcome to fallow his journey in the NICU. The group is on Facebook and its called Samuel's Journey.
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
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