Today starts a year of when my miscarriage started and I went to three different hospitals sept 2nd at 11pm the second hospital did an ultrasound. Told me Little Kevin was healthy. No sooner then the lady walked out after telling me he was healthy my water broke and next thing i know I'm being transferred to another hospital to deliver my son like I would if he was full blown. My son wasn't born till sept 3rd 2019 at 732pm. It was a nightmare for me. I doze in and out from 3am that morning all the way up to 732pm when I delivered him. He was just a mystery to me I was 16 weeks pregnant and didn't know if he was a girl or a boy till he was born and they said it was a boy. I think the hardest part about loosing him is the empty feeling I get when I see my sister with her baby or my brother with his. I look at my arms and think to myself I wish my son was here so I can cherish his laugh, his smile, his giggle. Just to feel his arms wrap around my neck or to feel him grasp my fingers. I just want my son home. I know that he is pure and god needed him more in heaven my step dad never got to have a son of his own and he passed away 4 years ago so I feel like god granted my step dad his wish and gave him a son. Little Kevin I love you more than this world its self and I just want you to know I will always be there for you.
That feeling you're having took me a few weeks to figure out it had a name. Its called EAS or empty arms syndrome. I dont know that there's an actual treatment for it, but, a very dear friend of mine bought me a gift from Walter's bears. It is a weighted bear custom made to weigh 1 lb 14 ounces, the weight my baby girl was when we delivered her still born. It will never fill the void that is left behind but if i close my eyes and squeeze her tight the arms ache a little less and I can process my grief a little more. Love and healing
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