I honestly don't know where to start. I have four beautiful daughters and found out in June 2020 I was pregnant with my first son. It was happy and scary for me because I managed to get pregnant with an IUD in place. In the beginning everything was fine until around 19 weeks when my water ruptured early. I didn't know until my ultrasound at 23 weeks. I was told to go to the hospital for monitoring until I had Cj at 26 weeks. He was perfect in every way. He went straight to the NICU and was there for ten days before he passed away. It has now been two months and it still hits me like a bag of bricks. I try to hold it together but some days are easier than others. I don't know what to do to try to heal and if I ever will. I miss him so much.