I’m new to this, I am a mom and an angel who I lost on March 29,2019. I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first boy, everything was going well. Since I find out I was pregnant I prayed to God that my baby will be here healthy and safe. As the months went by and both of my doctors tell me that he is growing and gaining weight normal my fears went away. I’m 36 years old and in June 28,2019 had a stroke. Due to the stroke I was seen my normal doctor and a high risk specialist. I went to the doctor in March 22,2019 Luke every week and I was told that baby Ignacio is good and that he should be here any time. I told my doctor that I was feeling back pain and lower abdomen pain. He said that it was normal because he is big. Went home and on Wednesday 27, 2019 I did not feel baby move it was not normal because he always moved and kicked. I text my husband and explain him that the baby is not moving and that it wasn’t normal for him not to move. My husband said that I should go to the doctor or wait until we get home and go to ER. After dinner we decided to go to the ER to make sure that everything is going well and that baby Ignacio is good. Told our three girls 18, 15 and 12 year old that we should be back soon. When we got to the hospital and I was taken to the maternity floor, then they put the heart detector and at the time we heard no heart bit my heart starts palpitating so hard and I look at my husband and I say “there’s no heart bit” he is gone. The doctors don’t say a word and they say we will get an ultrasound machine that will detect the baby better. At that time I knew something was wrong. Ignacio heart beat was loud and I used to hear it every week. As they come back in the room with the ultrasound machine and she they put it in my stomach nothing moves and I knew he was death. Then they say the doctor is coming to talk to you. When she walks in the room and looks at me. All she said “I’m sorry he is gone” it was the hardest thing I ever been thru I wanted to die with him and all I wanted was to get out of the hospital and go where they can tell me something different. I still think about that moment and start crying because I never expected that to happen. It has been almost 5 months and I still don’t understand why it happened to me and what did I do wrong. I have three beautiful girls and my pregnancies went fine. Ignacio’s pregnancy was going well too, and one day he just didn’t move. I feel angry, guilty and depressed. I don’t know how to make me feel better. I been taking counseling but I don’t know how to cope with my grief and loss. I feel that this pain will never go away. I don’t understand why this happens to so many moms. I have his crib ready, clothing and all the other things we bought for him just like they were. I don’t want to take them down or give them away. I wish that this was just a nightmare and that my baby was with me. I pray to God that will bring me and my family comfort to our loss. I look for answers to why it happened to me and that if due to my stroke he did not make it. I feel guilty and lost. I feel that I’m not a good mom for not bringing him home. I have an album with pictures, poems and other memories that I have. We were so excited to have him that our baby shower was so big. If our loved could’ve saved him he will never died.
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
Privacy, Terms, and Notices
© Privacy, terms and notices