My baby girl Hayley was born sleeping on June 16, 2020. This was my first pregnancy. I had no complications and no morning sickness during my whole pregnancy. At 39+4, Hayley had a strong heartbeat and the doctor told me that I would have to be induced at 41 weeks. At 40 weeks, I knew something was wrong and went in for lack of movement. My baby girl was always active and kicking. At labor and delivery, the nurse told me she did not have a heartbeat. I fell apart. It hurts so much because she was almost there. I wanted to bring her home… to take care of her and to love her so much. The doctor ran a bunch of test but everything came back normal. The doctor told us that it could have possibly been the umbilical cord around her neck but when she was delivered, it wasn’t wrap tightly. I feel so guilty because I couldn’t save her. I wish my water broke.. I wish I was given a sign. Hayley was so precious with her lovely chubby cheeks. I wanted her to open her eyes and move her little fingers. It’s been so hard. I don’t know how I can get through this. It’s not fair. I felt so alone but realized that there are other people that have gone through the same pain. I miss her so much…
Siento el mismo sentimiento de culpa, será que si yo hubiera insistido más fuerte mente mi Mateo estaría acá.
Pero es algo que está fuera del manejo nuestros porque son los médicos que deberían indicarnos esas cosas
I am so sorry to hear your story. I also lost my daughter and first baby as well on June 16th at 36 weeks and 4 days. I am happy to talk if you ever need someone.
I lost my baby girl Elyse on July 6th in the middle of the night at 37 weeks. Same story. One night she’s moving. Next morning nothing. July 9th I had a c section. Funeral July 14th. I also so desperately wanted her to wrap her little hand around my fingers but she couldn’t. You’re not alone. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m tight there with ya sister. I’m so sad and mad, b/c we were so close to the end. I almost had her room ready. My mom was going to help put all the fun decorative stuff up. We were ready. Now I’m supposed to just go back to normal life? Problem is I’m not the same anymore. I’m not normal. I’m here for you.
Sleepyjen Elyse is a beautiful name. I understand how it feels when you come home empty and all her stuff was ready for her. I had Hayley’s funeral on July 9. It was hard for me to accept that she was gone. It was difficult to pack away all her clothes and everything we bought for her. I read through many post and one of them said life won’t go back to normal, it’ll go back to a new normal. Right now I can’t even look at anything baby related. If you ever want to talk please let me know. I don’t know anyone who has gone through what I have. Some days I’m really sad and other days I try to keep busy. Focus on getting better and try not to think of the what ifs.
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