In 2013, after years of being told I would never get pregnant, my husband and I were finally expecting our first child. I was just shy of turning 30. My husband just turned 34. Beyond excited! Every aspect went great and we have a healthy almost 8 year old, bouncing from wall to wall, little boy!!
Fast forward almost EIGHT YEARS to present year. SUPRISE! (Although told again and again never again. He was our miracle. That he was and I would never trade him!) Positive at home testS! Confirmed with Dr. 5 weeks and 2 days! Our wish to give our son a sibling! So with the past tell the whole family, friends, coworkers....the WORLD! We had been so disappointed thinking no chance!
8 week scan GREAT! Small hemorrhage but "nothing to be concerned about. I have seen much larger ones and very healthy pregnancies. Most likely will be gone by next scan".
Felt all the morning sickness, weight gain, emotional, tender on fire breasts, etc.
Last Thursday, go in routine check-up. No clue a scan was going to happen and was told Hubby couldn't come to any appointments unless a scan was going to happen....thanks Covid procedures....called two days ahead to even ask if scan would be done. No no no no scan. No husband. OK
Well scan was done. I get taken down the hall for an additional scan, no clue what's about to be said.
Alone, with the U.S. Tech, not the slightest idea anything is even possibly wrong to hear the words that now will not allow me to sleep
"I can't find the heartbeat. I'm sorry "
Walks out of the room.
Alone, crying, not understanding because I had zero issues. No cramping. No bleeding. Pregnancy symptoms instead were still happening.
My husband gets called at work and told over the phone because I can't stop sobbing uncontrollably.
He rushes to me and we are told 4-5 days prior the heart stopped. No growth. But the hemorrhage is almost gone so that's most likely not the cause.
I'm over 35. My husband just turned 40. We knew risks were higher. We heard a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks! I stopped my prescription Adderall, stopped caffeine intake, started eating more regularly as I'm a go go go person.....what happened!?
"We simply don't know. Now, doesn't mean today, but you have to choose one of three options".
After a fast but seemed like forever mental battle, and my husband telling me whatever I want to do he will be right there with me every step, I choose option 3. I know undoubtedly I will not be ok if I have to pass my child at home or at work....Alone. ALONE. A feeling that now will not leave me. GUILT. Another feeling. ANGER. HATE. SAD. TERRIFIED. RELIEVED. SO MANY!
Everything happened fast. Friday I had a D &C. Still feel like I chose to rid my body of my baby. I can't stop thinking of it as that. It just sits on my mind.
I had to tell our son, baby got sick and won't be coming home. Instead papa is rocking his sibling in heaven.
My husband is so concerned about me because I had to physically take on all the responsibilities of the body, I I return am worried about him and grieving.
And still I can't sleep because all I hear is
"I can't find the heartbeat. I'm sorry ".
Hi, I had an abortion surgery yesterday, I have the same words
In my head … “sorry there is no heartbeat”… I heard a clear loud beat at 7 weeks and I was 9 weeks when I heard the bad news… be strong! You will try again … don't give up.. you are very young!! I had my first child on your age and everything was great…
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