I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on September 3. She was a preemie born at 29 weeks and 3 days. The ob/gyn said she would have some trouble breathing, which is expected but that it should get better over time. My baby was healthy otherwise. I've had a healthy pregnancy leading up to Wednesday September 1, where my amniotic fluid started to leak. I called the ob/gyn to get an appointment as I was worried. She advised that I go straight to the hospital and inform them of what was happening. So I did. They ran some tests and concluded that my membranes were ruptured. I asked what could've caused this but there was hardly a definitive answer as they said it can happen for many different reasons or no reason at all. I was admitted to the hospital for monitoring and was given drugs such as antibiotics to prevent my baby and I from infection and steroids to help mature my baby's lungs should she decide to make her way out sooner rather than later. I was also placed on hospital bed rest during this time and it was all fine then, I've had no pains or anything. By Friday September 3 at around mid day, I started feeling some pressure in my lower abdomen. I thought its because I wanted to poop since I haven't since Wednesday. Being placed on such strict bedrest I could not leave to go bathroom and I had to do all my bathroom activities in a pee pan next to my bed, that didn't feel comfortable in any way. I peed in the pan but dreaded the idea of pooping there. In any case when I started feeling g the pressure, I decided to use the pan and poop anyway. After I did, the pressure was still there. It started to increase and now it was more than pressure, it became painful. The pain started around 1pm, which I alerted one of the nurses. She asked how bad the pain was on a scale of 1-10, which I replied it was at 6. As time passed the pain got more intense and more frequent. At about 3pm I called the nurse indicating that the pain has grown. At that time they called my doctor for advice. They took me to the examination room, examined my cervix and said that I was only 2cm dilated. However, after the examination the pain kept growing. My doctor came to the hospital around 5pm and said she was not going to examine again because too much handling could cause infection with the membranes being ruptured. She ordered the nurses to give me magnesium sulphate to help protect/develop my baby's brain
a little sooner and she also asked if I'd like something for the pain and to help me rest. Of course I said yes, so I got the drugs a little later after she left, at around 5:45. After the drugs, I was feeling drowsy and tired yet the pains grew and came faster. But something changed. It wasn't just painful, I had a strong urge to push and it also felt like I wanted to poop. I called out to a nurse to let her know how I was feeling. She advised me to manage my breathing through the pain as I should try my best not to push. She said if I push I can damage my insides since I was only 2cm dilated. So I tried to hold out. But as the pain and my urge to push grew, no matter how hard I tried to keep it together. I eventually started to push even though I was holding back, there was nothing I could've done to stop it. Its as if my body had a mind of its own. At around 7pm, I felt something running up my back as I was lying in an elevated rear position. When I touched, it was all blood. I called out the the nurse, who came and examined me. She immediately called out to the other nurses to get me a wheelchair as she noticed I was now fully dilated. I was rushed to the delivery room and was told that I needed to hurry push because my baby doesn't have enough time. In two pushes, she was out. She was barely breathing then she stopped. They performed CPR, the compressions bruised her little chest but she started breathing again. They rushed her to the nursery to set her up on the ventilators and stuff while I was being cleaned up and examined for tearing (which I had none). This was after 7, I did not get to see my baby until after 10 that same night. I was told it wasn't looking good for her and I should call my boyfriend so we can spend as much time with her as possible. So I called him back to the hospital and we sat with her. Her breathing was unsteady and she was stop breathing from time to time but she always came back with little stimulation. The next morning, with the new nurses' shift another nurse transferred her to a new incubator and ventilation system. Her breathing improved. My baby finally was breathing and not crashing, she was getting it right. Amen, we thought. The next morning at around 3am while I was sitting with her, the machines went off. The nurse on the night shift was not familiar with the new ventilation system and so they oxygen ran out and she had no idea. I stood there as I watched my baby turned blue/grey, all sorts of shades I've never seen in any human before. I left the room to call by boyfriend again, let him know what was happening and he came. We sat there with here and while it appeared she was breathing and she was now fine, she still had no oxygen. The nurse was unaware and so the matter was not rectified until the morning shift came and the nurse who activated the machines changed the oxygen feed from the wall to a tank. When we came in, we asked what happened since she knew more about the machine and she indicated that there was no oxygen in the wall so she had to change to the oxygen tank. After this incident, our bay was different. She barely moved. Her arms and legs were still, she was only breathing. They said she might be exhausted from all the compressions and stuff. She was breathing great for over 48 hours which were were very happy about (my boyfriend and I). When the pediatrician came on Tuesday 7 September, he did his tests but she was not responding. I was called into the room to hear the most devastating words anyone could EVER hear. "I did some tests on your baby but she hasn't responded, she was deprived of oxygen for too long and is now brain-dead. Even if she survives she would live in a vegetative state. I. Sorry but there is nothing else we can do for her". My body went cold. I could not believe what I was hearing. I thought we were moving in the right direction and my babygirl was going to be home with us eventually. I never prepared myself for this eventuality as I had no doubt she would make it. She had to. I sat a while, called my boyfriend and we spent the last few hours with her. I've been weak, confused, angry and yet still numb since then. I try to comfort myself with the thought that I could try to have another baby but when I think of the chain of events it scares my and I become anxious and sad all over again. We have no specialists here. What if I get pregnant and experience ruptured membranes again, since apparently I'm at risk for this reoccurring? I feel even more powerless not knowing what caused it the first time so there is now way for me to try avoid it next time. This was my first baby. I've been wanting a baby for about 10 years. I was diagnosed with PCOS pre pregnancy and so I've had months/years with no ovulation, irregular periods, etc. I was depressed, thinking ill never get pregnant. So imagine how happy I was when I found out in March that I was finally going to be a mommy. And then here come September taking it all away withing 3 days. I don't know how to cope with this. This pain is immeasurable, something I wish I didn't have to experience. I hope I'm able to get pregnant again one day and it goes smoothly and I bring a beautiful full-term baby into this world who would go on to live a long, healthy life. I miss my baby girl so much. I keep dreaming of her, keep crying when I wake up and realize it was only a dreM and that she is really gone. I never knew true sadness before now. I feels as though I care about nothing in this world right now. I just wish the time could fly by as fast as possible so that the pain isn't this intense anymore and that I can start to try to have another baby.
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
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