I find the hardest thing I have to do lately is getting out of bed. I would usually dream about my wonderful, beautiful baby girl. So when I wake, it takes a while for reality to set in and boy, oh boy when it does, I just lie there feeling helpless, hopeless. Why should I get up? What am I getting up to do? What the purpose? What is my purpose now? Why did this happen? How do I move on from this? All questions I still don't know the answer to and still trying to figure out. So I would pump myself up with a little energy and hope saying that I can try again in the near future. Then I'll get a wave of anxiety with a different set of questions like...but what if the same thing happens? What if I have spontaneous PPROM in the subsequent pregnancy? What if it happens before 29 weeks and leave the baby with an even lower chance of survival? What if I lose another baby, how do I even start to consider if I'll get back from that? And sonwith all these worries, I just lie there. I stare at the drawer that still holds my baby's clothes. I packed everything in there upon my return from the hospital. So that's the only huge reminder in our room which aches badly btw. I am so torn. I've had an uneventful, happy pregnancy up to the 29wks when my water broke. I had no idea that this is where I'll be today. I would have been 33wks tomorrow had everything stayed on track. I'm still learning to cope and hope that I manage to get past this horrible time in my life.
I see you. I feel you. I lost my beautiful baby boy at 34 weeks. I don’t have comfort as it is so so hard and I miss him every day. I am 2 weeks past his due date now and all I can think about is what could have been. It’s hard. I see you.
I am so sorry about your loss. This is one tragic experience I wish no one would ever have to go through, unfortunately it exists. Although it was almost one month ago for me it is still hard and I know no matter what I do to try to get my mind off of the whole experience it will always be a part of me, hopefully I gain the strength and courage to become the person I am supposed to be and this doesn't break me. Sometimes I find that I can look at my baby and smile rather than be reduced to a puddle of tears
I know exactly how you feel. It’s been exactly one week today since our little boy gained his wings. I had a placenta abruption at 24 weeks 6days. He fought for 10 hours. His funeral is Saturday. And I don’t know how I’m going to move forward without him.
I'm so sorry about your loss. It will be hard. Today made one month since my baby died. It is not as hard as the first week but it is still hard. Hang in there, I hope we are able to heal from this trauma. She was my first baby and I lost her to PPROM without any idea of what caused it. So its a bittersweet feeling whenever I think about the possibility of trying again. We will get through this mama. Not now but eventually.
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