I lost them both.
My first pregnancy. I'm married, 22, employed making good money. I found out I was pregnant in early June and was ecstatic. I immediately changed everything: started eating healthy, lightly exercising regularly, taking prenatal supplements, scheduled my doctors appointments- the whole 9 yards. My husband and I were absolutely thrilled. I announced to my family I was pregnant at 8 weeks (my grandmother was so happy she cried). But then at around midnight (on 6/9/19) I went to the bathroom and passed a huge clot and my stomach hot the floor and my heart broke and I didn't know what to do so I called my mother and she came over and confirmed my worst nightmare and we (my mom, husband and I) huddled in the bathroom and cried until there was nothing left. I went to the ER the next day completely broken. Was poked and prodded through 2 pelvic exams and then a vaginal ultrasound and that's when we discovered there was still a baby. I hadn't had my first ultra sound yet so I had no knowledge (other than a dream) that I had twins until this point. I was given hope because my baby had a solid heart rate and was on track, my friends and family told me stories about someone they knew who had something similar happen (being pregnant with twins but the body shedding one baby to support the other) and having the surviving baby born healthily. Over the course of the next 10 days I bled steadily, knowing there was nothing that could be done by any doctor or myself. Then it happened. I was about to go walking on an easy trail with my best friend when I decided to use the portapot before we started. I passed another large clot. I lost my second baby. In. A. Portapot. I lost my mind, I swear. I was swallowed whole by a swarm of overwhelming tangle of feelings. Just now am I opening up about this. I'm not sure what to do or how to move forward. I lost my job, been just barely scraping by for the last six months thanks to my husband and I feel so empty yet so full of emotions at the same time. I should be big and pregnant and uncomfortable and moody right now. Having a baby shower and showing off my ultrasounds. But instead I am just empty. They were due in February and I'm not sure how to go through February without them.
R. I. P Leo James Lackey and Quinn Lee Isabella Lackey
I love you forever...
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