My son's due date passed a few weeks ago and I took it pretty hard, but not in the conventional way. In other words I didn't cry or mourn it was spent worrying about my health. See I have been stuck on stressing on my health. My therapist says I have GERD, generalized anxiety disorder and when I cant control a situation it gets out of hand. I have never been one to care if something hurts, I actually never had anxiety in my life. My whole life before I met my husband was very easy I was contempt with how things were. I was obese and thought I'd never meet anyone let alone get pregnant, especially after being diagnosed with PCOS. I just took life one day at a time. After loosing my son all that changed. I guess you could say I saw my mortality. I have been a wreck about dying or getting sick. I was so stressed these couple of months and worried that I might never be able to get pregnant again. My mother has been my saving grace. She is the most faithful women and through her I know God speaks to me. I don't know where I would be without her. She has told me that it's all in God's timing. That we will never understand why my son isn't in my arms right now but we have to trust that he is in a better place and that His plan wasn't for me to have him in this world. I have come to accept that my angel isn't here. I also have let go of the stress about getting pregnant, I want it to happen when its supposed to. I don't want to force it and get stressed because it hasn't happened. I switched OB's after the passing on my son because it just seemed my last OB was way overbooked and wasn't paying the specific attention I felt I needed. Don't get me wrong she's a good doctor and very nice but I just need someone that would be there for my next pregnancy. The new one I found is so good. He told me straight from the get go what was going to be done and that they would be monitoring me very closely during my next pregnancy. He is very kind and straightforward. Now I just need to relax and not stress so much about my health. I have stressed my family and husband so much with all my doctor visits and ER visits. If anyone else has been through this type of anxiety after their loss I'd love to hear your story.
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
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