I feel guilty for writing this, but logically i know my husband d and i need to heal. I have been searching and reading every post and story that i can find on how to heal after loosing a child. Nothing i have read yet have given me answers that feels right. The only thing that seems to help is focusing on something positive like our relationship, trying again, staying healty. Focusing on these things does nit take the pain away. i constantly find myself crying each day, but im crying a little less each day. Trying to find ways to heal feels wrong and selfish. Laughing feels wrong, smiling in general feels wrong. How can i heal or be happy when she is gone? When will the right time be to start healing and be happy? By joining this group it makes it a little easier to focus on the positive things, and reading how i feel makes it easier to understand. I used to feel that maybe she was taken from because i would have been a bad mother and make a mistake that could have hurt her as i am still healing from the operation and movment is very limited. But it's four weeks after the operation and i am able to move more freely without pain. This made me realise that i would have been a great mother and with everyone around me to support me they would have all helped me during my healing time. My husband most of all would have helped me just as he did the past few weeks. He assits me every day even just to get out of bed and to get dressed. He insists in it, i can do it by myself but i think it might be his way of coping by helping me. In saying this, i hope that this will help others on this group to say out loud and to know that they are great mothers and even though this happened they are still great mothers. I am a proud mother to a beautiful baby girl, Alice, that lives in heaven. Im am not very religious but every night we pray that God will give her a hug from me amd my husband and that he would keep her safe.