So, I got my ovulation results. A big fat "NO." No ovulation again. So, there goes the theory of one working ovary. There goes the theory of getting healthier and taking my pills will make me ovulate. I have decided I am done with testing. I was happier not knowing. All these months of not trying, not checking ovulation, focusing on my daughter and my husband, planning our trip. They have been some of the best months since losing Atticus. Trying stresses me out, which then stresses my body, which ends up with no results. My husband and I have decided to just leave it all to God. Only He knows if another baby is coming to us, and if so, it will come in His time. I have been toying with the idea of clomid, and asked a friend if that was going against God's will. She responded "if you take it, and it results in a baby, it's God's will. If you take it, and it doesn't result in a baby, it's God's will. Nothing you do will change God's will." I realized how right she was. So, no more tests. No more actively trying. No more counting ovulation days and checking to see if I've ovulated. This is not to say that we have closed the door on another child. We would be thrilled if we have another one. We are happy with what we have now. I finally hit the point where I realized that no matter what happens, I'm happy. There is a part of me that really believes there is another child for us in the future. I was holding Annette last night, and I had this sense that God spoke to me. He said "You will have this again. Just wait." Waiting is one of the hardest things in my life. But I'm ready to wait, let go, and let God.
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.
Oh have I been there! Thinking of you friend and hoping you find calmness in the “letting go.” Hoping you find strength in yourself and your family to know that Gods got this for you. Let him have it, and let him do all the work!
Sending you so much love and strength as you continue to navigate this. You're right about waiting, its so very, very hard.
Love and Hugs
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