Never in my life would I have ever thought that my children would have to undergo medical intervention.
I grew up taking care of children and I couldn’t get over the joy and comfort and love they give . I wanted my own child one day. And that day sure did come. But, not the way I planned.
I had my first child in 2018 I was 17 years old and little did I know my life would change forever. At 22 weeks I suffered a complete placenta abruption and it was very traumatic! And when I tell you traumatic I mean I couldn’t even look at blood anymore without feeling like I was going to pass out.
I was emotionally numb after I gave birth to my daughter . I didn’t know how to feel . I didn’t even want to feel anything at all . I lost my baby girl. Elizabeth was her name. I was angry at the fact the doctors wouldn’t do anything to save my baby girl despite her living two hours on her own.
I remember the doctor coming in the room every thirty minutes to check her heart and breathing to tell me when it had stopped. TWO HOURS! My daughter lived for two hours and they did absolutely NOTHING! How can someone who’s whole life is dedicated to saving lives let my daughter die?
Because she was 22 weeks and considered “non-viable”? How can someone decide who gets to live and who gets to die? Not to mention all the students who watched me give birth to my daughter.
However , I’m not writing this story to tell you about all the negative things that have happened to me. God tells us in Hebrews 11:40 “ since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”
Despite me losing my daughter and enduring the pain I have felt, god gave me my rainbow baby.There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about Elizabeth and what it would be like having two wild toddlers Running around .
Now my experience with my rainbow baby Winter is way different then my experience with Elizabeth. Let me explain. I decided with winter I wasn’t going to go to the same hospital I had Elizabeth at. Instead I went to one of the best hospitals and searched for the best high risk doctor I could find.
My pregnancy was normal . But right around 22 weeks I started losing my mucas plug . I’m glad I noticed it Though because I lost my mucas plug with Elizabeth too except with her it was the whole thing. With winter it was only bits and pieces.
I decided to set up a obgyn appointment for the next day. When the next day came around my obgyn checked the baby and then checked to see if I was dilated. And I was dilated.. 4cm to be exact.
Me and my boyfriend then got rushed to labor and delivery. At the time my sack was bulging and they were unable to push it back in. So they have to give me steroid shots for the baby and progesterone to stop labor . I couldn’t eat anything only liquids .
They could only do the progesterone for so long. They kept me pregnant for a week and then it was time for me to give birth. Since I knew I was in the best hospital I wasn’t worried as much. At 23 weeks and four days I gave birth to my rainbow baby girl winter . She weighed 1lb 2oz. 1oz bigger then her sister .
I didn’t think much about the NICU until after I gave birth . I was so eager to go see my baby girl but since I had just gave birth I had to wait. The NICU at the hospital I was going to was full so they had to transfer my daughter to the hospital across the street .
Which traveling with a baby born that early increases risks of a brain hemorrhage but we got lucky and our baby girl didn’t have one. The anxiety I felt during the 135 days my Daughter stayed In the NICU is unexplainable. The constant beeping from all the machines.And constantly worrying about the what if’s.
Not to mention all the wires, so many wires. The first time I held my baby girl she was only a couple weeks old I was scared because of how small and fragile she was but also so happy beyond words. My baby girl was growing and developing. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into days.
We even took her first Christmas and thanksgiving photos in the NICU. Despite all the anxiety I kept pushing through as did my daughter . I kept my faith and trust in god. The nurses were amazing . I mean there were some bad ones too which I’m glad we can select primary care givers and have them every couple days. It made things very helpful and more comfortable for all of us and we even built a friendship with them.
I remember when we finally got to bring my daughter home and the relief I felt . But let me tell you the worry never goes away for any parent ! I’ve had a few anxiety attacks but we have pulled through .
When my daughter came home she was on low oxygen . We eventually weaned her off of it. My daughter had eye appointments, pediatrician appointments , feeding therapy and occupational therapy as well.
After awhile it was just pediatrician appointments and feeding therapy . But, I decided to go back to school and get my high school diploma.I went from 19 credits to 26 credits in the span of two weeks.
My daughter is 16 months actual now and 12 months corrected. She can say mama,dada,baba,Gaga and hi. She isn’t walking yet but she does try to stand on her own. I’m currently working on going to college for my associates degree in nursing and then eventually my bachelors.
I refuse to let what happened to me happen to someone else. If I can save just one baby, just one person that would mean a lot to their family and even to me. Your life is important! You are important !
Despite all the bad things we go through in life there are some good things too. For all my mommas and dads who have lost a child , for all my mommas and dads who are going through the NICU journey , for all my mommas and dads struggling with infertility THERE IS HOPE!
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
Privacy, Terms, and Notices
© Privacy, terms and notices