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We were at the mall the other day. We had just been to see Antman ( it's actually a good movie. I was skeptical when my hubby reccomended it) and decided why we were there to get C's feet measured and new school shoes. We also let him pick out a new shirt for the first day of school. No trip to the mall is complete without a visit to the Disney Store so while C and my husband were checking out the Antman merchandise I wandered to the back to look at the clearance items. all the clothes seemed to be 3T. Scott would have maybe been that size even though just because your 3 doesn't mean you would be. But in my head he would have been 3T and for whatever reason at that moment in time seeing all those 3T clothes made me sad. I almost started crying right there in the middle of the Disney Store. I have been in other children's sections many of times and never been phased but that day it got to me.
Scott dying changed me. I am definitely not the carefree happy person I was before. As the days have past I have been able to start living my life again and on the most part excepted my new life and been happy at times content with things. This summer I have been really enjoying my time with C. We have been keeping busy with travel, hanging out with friends, swimming. He has really become confident in the water and he is so much fun now to take to the pool. I was driving in the car today taking C to his camp he has this week and we were dancing to the music much to the amusement of people in other cars I'm sure. When I realized I was happy really and truly happy. and I realized that this is the first time since Scott died that I can say I am happy and mean it. I have had moments and experiences etc over the past 3 years where I have laughed, and enjoyed myself. But I realized that this is the first time I have been happy really and truly happy day to day. It's a good feeling and I hope it stays.
Yep, those random spurts of sadness seem to come at the strangest times. I was at a music festival this past weekend and before one of the acts they played a video for army families. It seemed like there were a bunch of shots of 3 year oldish boys hugging their dads, which is how old my Sean would be. That got to me . It's then hard once you get into that moment to stop all the thoughts from flooding in....
But, It's so good to hear that you are having such a good summer, I can't believe it's almost August already! Yes, bring that happy feeling into the fall!
Me too, Nicki.
I understand the part about no longer being carefree and happy. I think that losing a child always leaves you with a little bit of darkness, no matter how positive you try to be. Abbey's milestones usually hit me with those bursts of sadness, as another reminder of something Josie never got to do. I am glad you are having a great summer! It always seems to be too short, especially once the kids are school age.
Love and Hugs
Its crazy how the random things can seem to take you back.
Hugs Momma I miss you!
I think we will always be hit with those emotions ... I guess it's a part of the journey. But I'm proud of you for being in the moment and enjoying all the fun activities with C. Can I come hang out with you guys? :)
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