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The Maryland chapter of March of Dimes partnered with Carrabba's and had a fundraiser today.  Every Carrabba's in Maryland participated and anytime during the day if you ate in or carried out and let your server know you where there for the MOD 15% went to the MOD.   I helped volunteer at lunch and dinner today at the restaurant near me and just be there to spread the word of the MOD.  I do it because this is how I honor Scott.

4 years ago my life became one of pure joy to to pure devastation.  I am a doer,planner,one who makes things happen.  I can't just sit on the sidelines and let things happen it's not in my nature.  My son dies and I am left with this big hole in my heart and don't  know what to do, how to fix it. I just new my baby was dead.  I couldn't even say the word dead.  I would use loss or passed away.   The doctors have no clue why Scott was born without a working brain.  They know why it wasn't working but they can't say what caused it.  They just know most likely it was genetics.  So here I am a person who fixes problems and I have no way to fix this.  I have no way to throw my self into the cause for babies born without the ability to make chemicals for the neurotransmitters of the brain to work.  Because there is is no cause for that...so I"m just left feeling very empty, very alone, very lossed because I can't fix it or change it.

But I did find a cause a few months later and it was the March of Dimes.  I can't ever fully express how having a cause to support in memory Scott makes me feel.  It gives me purpose. It gives my life meaning again. It helps me see that maybe just maybe he didn't die in vain that we are doing something in his memory to help other babies.  

The high I get when I get to help my chapter and help fundraise, help spread their mission.  I like knowing that I am taking what has happened and doing something with it.  It helps me get out of bed everyday, live my life.

I loved watching my family and friends come out tonight and support me.  It was the middle of the work week yet my brother's showed up,(one of them lives in Pa) my Sil, my parents, my two best friends and their families.  The middle of the work week, a school night and here they were enjoying a meal, laughing, and all because they know this cause is so important to me, they know this is what has helped me healed.  They know Scott having watched my belly grow for 9 months. They cried with me at his funeral. and yet we had the chance tonight to laugh, enjoy life for Scott why helping the March of Dimes.  A good feeling, a natural high knowing I am remembering and honoring Scott while helping other babies.