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I went to the clinic down our street today because my little guy thought it would be fun to share his love from the illness he just got over. I am sitting in the waiting room and just wanted to burst in to tears. I had to do everything in my power to hold the tears back. It's days like today when my defenses our down that my grief always finds the crack and sneaks back in. I am just so glad I was able to keep the tears at bay. The place was packed and there would have been me sobbing away...of course it being so crowded it took forever to be seen when all I wanted to do was go home have a good cry and go to sleep. finally I was seen and as I thought a sinus infection. But at least I got it now and not closer to Christmas.
Mike and I are more in the Christmas spirit this year than we have been since Scott died. It feels like how we would celebrate before everything happened. There are still moments like when hanging the stockings when I really wish I was hanging Scott's and not one for the dog. But except for those moments we've been doing okay. We are including Scott in our Christmas this year. We have a family ornament that has all our names on it including scott's. This week we are taking C out an hour early from school and going to the mall so C can buy presents for people. We are also going to have him pick out a big brother ornament for the tree. C is also going to buy a present for Scott and we are going to give it to Toys for tots. It feels good to be a place where we can include Scott and not feel really sad.
My husband has decided to build a train garden this year and it's nice to see him interested in something and excited. He has been working very hard and c is very excited and keeps asking when it will be done.
I have been working two days a week in a preschool class. When the winter session starts in January I will be subbing two days a week in the tot class. After agreeing to it I realized that it's going to be a roomful of two year olds children the same age as Scott would have been. I am getting a little anxiety over this but I think that I will do okay. I hope I do...it's only for 4 of the classes.
that's been our December so far preparing for Christmas, and battling sinus infections.
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