Very rarely do I let my mind go to where it is today because it brings me down and it brings me down hard when I do think about it. Looking at a picture of Scott the one I posted in honor of Neonatal Nurse day. I look at him see how perfect he was. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head of hair. At 37 weeks when he was born he was over 6lbs. He looked like his brother except with more of a brownish color hair. ( I think he would have looked like his dad) We always say he was the biggest yet sickest baby in the NICU. Yet he died...He died because his brain wouldn't turn on. It just makes me so sad, so angry too know that all he needed was for his brain to work and he would have been fine. So now I"m thinking about it and thinking just how unfair it is...and a good little pity party going this beautiful Thursday afternoon.
I am just so, so sorry. So sorry that Scott's brain didn't work. So sorry that you have to sit here and think about it. So sorry that he's not here, annoying his brother, demanding juice from you, just being a little boy.
I am so sorry.
So sorry you are having a tough day. It can be hard remembering details like that. For me I can always remember everyone telling me my case was so rare it was like "lightning struck." It is unfair that you had to lose Scott. Thinking of you!
I'm sending you hugs . . . I'm so sorry he isn't physically here with his Mom, Dad, and bro. It's totally unfair and I know how hard it's been each and everyday to wake up without him. I like to say, for us, that we had it perfect for 30 weeks. I too wish that you were pouring two small glasses of juice. if you're like me, you're pouring one (T doesn't drink juice) and then grabbing something stronger for yourself (with food of course). I'm right there with you mourning a future I could see and touched briefly.
Hugs and cocktails,
So sorry Nikki...I have had a few solo pity parties lately too. Its so unfair and there is nothing we can do. Sending you strength to make it to the good days.
Love and Hugs
Ohh sending you a million hugs! Wish I could hug you in person!
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