What an Amazing weekend! I went way out of my comfort zone and attended the Shareunion this weekend. I wasn't sure what to expect and I was thinking I was just a tad crazy going and meeting a bunch of people I had only met online but I went. I went with the encouragement of another Share member who said it's an amazing experience and you feel like a changed person when you leave. So on that advice I went. I just want to say thank you to that person for telling me to go she was right.
The greatest part about the weekend was I got to be Scott's mom. I got to talk about him and just think about him for an entire weekend.
This weekend has also made me feel better than I have in a long time. I thought I was doing well but I realized this weekend that I was still holding onto a lot of "stuff". I'm finally ready to start letting some of that "stuff" go. Some of the things that I still struggled with was when it was appropriate to talk about Scott. I realize now it's always okay to talk about Scott he was my son and it's not my problem if others don't like it. I also realized that some people in my life that I was hanging on to because I thought I had too...I don't have too. I'm spring cleaning two seasons late but I'm doing it. I don't need the negative in my life. It feels liberating...Something I realized the last night is that I've been trying to go back and be the old Nicki and I realize now that's not going to happen. That person doesn't exist anymore that I have to be the new person that i've become and not try to fit a mold that no longer is me. Scott's death changed me it changed my husband it change our entire family it doesn't mean that we changed into something bad just different people and we need to learn to live with who were are now and not the people we were a year ago. our lives were different then and have changed in a very huge way since then.
I loved meeting everyone and having the chance to put faces to names. Some of you really helped me when I first joined share with your comments to my posts.
This weekend also inspired me. i just want to go out and make some change and help others families.
So thanks ShareUnion and thanks to everyone who made it happen! I hope to see everyone next year.
I am so glad to have met you! I am glad for the quiet moment we had to talk and for the fact that you took the plunge to come! I hope to see you in future Share Unions. Until then keep blogging and know that we are all always here to support you.
~Tracey
I am so glad you were there this weekend. I too feel at SU I am totally "Akeelah's Mommy". It's such a special place- and I am so very very very glad the weekend was right for you and allowed you to reclaim yourself and your story and let go of "stuff", people who have been holding you. You're so right, we're not the same people after our little ones are born- how could we be? They have left forever prints on our hearts.
Virtual hugs until next year!!
Lauren
It was so great to meet you Nicki. I loved hearing about Scott and yes, his death changed you. But like you said, that change isn't a bad thing, it just is.
I am so glad you were able to find comfort and peace in your weekend with us. There is so much to learn from sitting across from someone who gets what you've been through.
I really hope to see you next year too.
Thinking of you,
Tommie
Nicki - It was great to meet you and hear more about Scott's story. I'm so glad that SU was a great experience for you. Hope to see you next year!
Marissa
I feel so blessed to have finally gotten to meet you! Thank you so much for sharing Scott with us! Cant wait to see you next year!
Samantha
I was sooooooo happy that you came! I was also so happy to meet C. He was just as beautiful as I imagined. Crazy right! Scott was such a beautiful baby and seeing C was just such an amazing moment, thank you for introducing us. It was one of the highlights of my weekend. :) He is perfect! I can't wait to see Elvis (again). I actually like the new me, I think that the new me is a better person to some degree. The new me is acutely aware of so many more things. Would I take the new me back if it meant bringing back my daughter? Absolutely, but we all know that isn't an option. So I am stuck with the new me and honestly I like her. She gets a lot done. Lol. I can't wait to see you next year and get to know you and your family more in between. Please don't hesitate to call, text, email in between if you need me!
Jami
It was great meeting you this weekend and i too am still trying to mesh the old nikki with the new nikki