Living my new normal

As another June comes to an end...

  • Wow! June is definitely an emotion filled month for you guys. This November will be 6 years for us and I am still always amazed at my body's ability to remember every single detail surrounding Arianna's life and death. Especially when half the time I can't remember what I had for breakfast.

    I know what you mean completely when you mention Mike's surgery. A few months after Arianna died Jerry needed to have a routine endoscopy done. He had to be sedated and I sat in the waiting room and cried the whole time he was back there. Finally the nurse came out with tears in her eyes to come and get me. I panicked. She said everything is fine, he's still in recovery but he won't stop asking if your OK so I thought it would be better for him if I just came and got you. She added that we were the sweetest couple she had ever seen. I remember thinking there is nothing sweet about picturing your husband dying from a routine endoscopy.

    Sorry to hear about your sister in law, some people just won't ever stop and put themselves in someone else's shoes and imagine how they feel. We've experienced that a lot.

    Hope July is more relaxing and I also hope C has a great summer before the big K. :)


  • I am glad to know that you were able to get through this month. I know it carries with it a lot of hurt and pain. You did it with courage:) Continue to put "those" people on the back burner for now. It hurts when it's close family and friends who just don't realize how much their words can sting.

    Sending you hugs,


  • What a powerful rollercoaster ride you embark on with the coming of June.  I'm so glad you endured and made it thru.  I too am coming to realizations that for me there will be many months like your June where it doesn't go away but I endure.   Wishing you peace as the days to come after June 19th can sometimes be hard too.

  • August is the month I dread.  I have happy and sad days that moth because Jadon's birthday falls in August as well.  Many many hugs to you!   Miss you dear friend!


  • Many hugs to you, Nicki. I know how hard those dreaded months can be ... and the anxiety and physical feelings that come on because of it.


  • A very sad but understandable viewpoint you have. Even though it has been almost 10 years since his passing, I always sensed that the time of year our son Evan was alive was is like -in an odd way- the yodeling guy game on Price is Right. LOL As soon as April 4 comes, I feel like I am in this "RED ZONE" and I painfully try to yodel my way up the hill and through that zone until June 27th, when I am at the top of that mountain and feel like I might fall off into the abyss. And then the cycle ctarts all over again next April. Of course all the holidays within that time frame are exponentially hard, and even more tough was the realization that almost NO ONE remembers a "heaven day" like they do a birthday. So that tough day for you will be yours and yours alone sometimes, despite all the resentment you feel towards people that won't remember. It's not that it's not important to them, but they didn't live it and it's not indellibly burned into them the way it is with you. I'm sorry for your loss, and there are so many of us out there that feel the way you do!