We just had a friend have a baby over the weekend and we are very excited for her. I was worried about her since they decided to induce early because of some iffy lab results...since I didn't have good experience when we had the iffy lab results. The baby and mom are doing fine. What I hate I realize is the picture of her oldest son holding his new baby sister and meeting her. I hate it because C never got that moment. He never got to hold his brother and he always saw his brother hook to machines and with wires coming out of his head. We had prepared Colin for the new baby and had this whole picture painted in our head of C coming in and meeting his brother giving him the bear he made for him and then Scott giving him a gift. That never happened the way we planned it and when I see older siblings getting that opportunity it just stings. I still wrestle with the reality that C will never have a living sibling I know we made that choice but I still feel guilt like I failed him in some way.
I feel for you.. it seems there is always going to be something that reminds us of all we have/will miss out on.
I don't think the sting of that will ever go away. Most of the guilt I feel about Arianna's death has to do with the loss that Lexi suffered. She was 7 years old and I will never forget the look on her face as she held her sister to say goodbye. These are the things that no parent should ever have to face. Thinking of you as your friends baby tugs at your heart a bit.
I'm so sorry that introducing the boys did not work out as planned. It's such a shock to realize that something that should have been so easy came with complications so dire. I'm sure that there will be more moments when you are so aware of what C doesn't have, but I'm pretty sure he'll have more moments where he realizes what he does.
Hugs to you,
Jami that was the worst telling my son to tell his brother goodbye for the last time...
shannon thanks for your comment that he will remember the things that he does have I know that's true but sometimes I need to be reminded.
Many hugs to you all.
Huge hugs Nicole,
Your boys meeting for the first time should have gone so differently, i am sorry that you never got that moment.
This is so hard. It's hurts so much to give up the dreams we had for our kids, both the living and the angels. It's so unfair that you had to make the choice not to have another baby. I hope you can let go of the guilt but I understand why it's there. We all want the very best for our babies.
So much love coming your way,
I know that must be so very hard. A lot of losses there - the loss of Scott, the loss of C getting to experience holding his baby brother, the loss of C ever having a living sibling. I know it must sting.
Sending some peace your way.
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