I really thought that the holidays would be different this year. They seemed okay and I seemed to be doing really well. But one thing always happens my brain goes somewhere that will make me either anxious or sad. Christmas morning was no different. Watching C open his gifts and how excited he was. Instead of enjoying the moment those thoughts came in. I started thinking this is the last time I will watch him open gifts as a 6 yr old. Then of course that leads to I will never have another 6 yr old to watch open gifts...and so on go the thoughts.
So of course that makes me become a bit on edge and of course my husband ends up in the line of fire. Lucky for me he knows that sometimes things get hard for me. and thankfully we are able to always talk it out and explain ourselves. Cuz the poor guy really did think he gave me a great gift and I really chose the wrong day and words to express myself. sometimes this new normal just really stinks.
So I mentioned in a past post that my friend is pregnant. She has been trying for a while and I really am happy for her. It took me sometime to process it and mull it all over in my head. I did the math from one of her posts about how many weeks she was and realized she was due the beginning of June. I hated knowing that at first. But I told myself I don't own the month of June. She has no say when her due date is. ( which happens to be my oldest sons due date!) When we saw them over winterbreak my husband asked her due date. and she just paused and said like that first week of June. Now we all know moms know their due date it's like stamp on the brain once you find it out. I knew then she was protecting us. Through out the day we chatted and I would ask questions about morning sickness etc. I wanted her to know I was okay with her pregnancy. She finally ask are you okay with pregnant women. I told her yes and I am okay with babies as long as it's not crying. This opened up a discussion between us both. It made me realize that she is a good friend. She knew it could be hard for me and my husband. She knew that we may not wish to hear about her pregnancy so I was glad we were able to talk. I am thankful that even 3 years later I have friends and family who get that there are things that still may be hard and give us space.
and now after a week of no schedules, fun with family and friends, irrational thoughts and crazy emotions we are back to our normal schedule and routines.
The holidays can really test our strength and patience. I'm glad you came through it okay. It is so hard... Your friend's due date will be on your mind, but I love that she stopped to ask you about your feelings. She is thinking about you and treading cautiously. She doesn't want to hurt you, but she doesn't want to exclude you either. I'm glad that you are back into your routine.
Happy New Year to you,
I agree, the holidays can be challenging. Even if we are having a truly great day, I always have thoughts creep into the back of my head that I should be watching another little boy open presents, make a big garbage mess, etc.. I wish it wasn't that way. Glad you were able to talk things out with your friend about her pregnancy. Wishing you peace as you go through the same timeframe of pregnancy with her.
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