I have been feeling very content lately. Content with the decision we made to homeschool, with how life is going. It's a nice a feeling yet is also causes me worry and anxiety. I am always on guard now...just waiting for something to happen that isn't good. To take my contentment away. I know you can't live your life that way. I have had many a conversations about it with counselors. But it's hard. When you have had your perfect pregnancy turn out to be a lie, your baby taken from you, you learn a very hard life lesson that it can happen to you. You can be one of those statistics. So it's hard to just allow myself these good feelings because I always feel like I have to be prepared, ready in case something bad happens so I'm not caught of guard like 4 years ago. It makes no sense...yet here I am once again getting in my own head and trying to take my own happiness away.
I can relate to that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's just an expression. I'm not comparing angels to shoes. I sometimes feel like I'm more vulnerable to unexpectedness. I do crave predictability at times and control. You've just made a huge decision. It's another thing that you probably weren't expecting to do. It's not unfolding the way you had imagined. It totally brings about anxiety. Trust that you know best and that you will deal with any hurdles if and as they come.
If that's just not enough, keep in mind that tomorrow just happens to be National Vodka Day:)
See you at the bar,
I completely understand this. I keep having these same moments while planning my wedding. I had such anxiety on "buying the dress day" that I couldn't quite pin down, until I realized its just my regular panic in the background, the one that keeps me from being "too joyful or hopeful" lest it be stolen away by a freakishly rare occurrence. Love and hugs to you. Brandi
Big hugs to you..
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