Today at the pool I was sitting and eating lunch with C and his friend. Her mom was helping another child in the pool. I overheard C's friend ask if he had a brother. C said yes my brother is Scott but he is in heaven. His friend replies with oh that's right but why is he in heaven? Babies are just born and shouldn't be in heaven. C looked at her paused and then looked at me to answer. I simply explained to her that Scott was born broken and the doctors tried really hard to fix him. That sometimes babies just don't grow like they should in the mommy's belly and that's what happened to Scott. That his brain didn't grow right and the doctors couldn't make it work so he went to heaven sooner than he should have. She looked at me, said, "okay" and then started another conversation with C. I love children. I love how simple they are, how matter of fact and sweet they are. They don't offer empty words or try to make everything seem okay. It may sound a bit strange but I liked hearing C talk about his brother to his friend. I like how his friend just wanted to know where his brother was and why he wasn't here. I like being able to talk about him to his friend and that she was referring to Scott as his brother.
I just wish we could do that more often in our everyday life. Just talk about Scott and when we are done be able to move on to another conversation. but you can't...when you talk to adults about it it creates this awkward moment that leaves everyone feeling uncomfortable and then the time together is just not the same as it was before it came up. I wish every conversation I have about Scott could be so simple and leave me feeling at peace, and good then feeling empty.
I too love overhearing their conversations. Such pure sweetness and acceptance. If only more adults could hold onto that and let those conversations be as peaceful.
I love how, with out a second thought, he referred to Scott as his brother. <3
Or, rather, I mean acknowledged him as his brother.
I completely agree! Children are so sweet and innocent when inquiring about things like that. They just accept your answers and go on with their business, they don't stop and think about how it affects them or worry about the right words to say. I think its great how your son keeps his brother in mind as he goes about his day.
Love and Hugs
I completely get what you mean. My son was stillborn on July 3, 2015 and ever since then (as I have slowly come back out of my hermit-ude). There are some things I realize are now my new "normal." I have to get used to what I call "the LOOK" when they congratulate me on the birth before they realize my son is dead. Then comes the dreaded look....and then it seems that all conversations die at that point. I realized that I may just have to get used to the fact that it is somewhat a conversation killer. However, I also realized that adults are going to react to how we (the parents who went through it) react. At some point if our AngelBabys are brought up in conversation and the conversation seems to disappear out of awkwardness then we (the experienced parents) then have the opportunity to pick the conversation back up to let the other adults know that although it was not a pleasant experience in our lives by ANY means, it is part of our story and this is how our family has coped and/or is coping with it. I have a 3 year old son and he says all the time that his baby brother, Liam is up in heaven with Jesus. Ah, to be the carefree age of 3. Life just seems so much simpler. I am so glad your oldest son was able to acknowledge his younger brother in that conversation. It is part of his story now too and he is keeping Scott's memory alive even when having a normal conversation with another child. <3
I love how caring that C is toward Scott -- and that he answered without a second thought. It's heartwarming when Kaelin acknowledges her brothers as well. I wish adults could take the explanations we give the same manner in which kids do.
It would be so very helpful if adults just accepted things as easily as children do, sometimes. I love it when people remember my sons and just act normal if I talk about them instead of trying to offer platitudes or giving me "that look." I'm glad you had that moment with C and his friend where Scott fit perfectly into your afternoon.
I love that you overheard C talking about his brother! That warms my heart and reminds me so much of my little guy who will tell anyone and everyone about his brother in heaven, even correcting me at times with adults. I agree, it's refreshing talking to children and their simplicity versus the awkward silence that sometimes arises when talking to adults.
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