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As a mom of an angel baby I have been doing pretty well I am able to be around babies now even little boy babies. On the most part I am happy for people when I hear that they are expecting although I am still a little wistful. But the thing I still struggle with is that darn question, "How many kids do you have?" or the many variations of it you get....I prepare answers in my head, I tell myself I want to acknowledge him by using his name Yet every time I get tongue tied, I am at loss for words, I end up downplaying what happened and then i try and make the other person feel better....and oh how I love the awkward silence that follows. I usually say something to the affect of I had another baby he passed away and then thanking the person when they say they are sorry... Does answering this question ever get easier? There are times I have found that saying Colin is my only child is just easier...but when I do decide to share Scott I never do it well.
This question is so hard. Both of my kids just started a social group last week (D as a peer model although he does have an SLI) and with meeting new moms comes a lot of questions. Both boys, even though 20 months apart, are now the same height. I've been asked several times if they are twins?! With all of the talk about family and moms sharing, it takes me back to those early weeks and months of loss just trying to survive it all. I have become a bit more guarded about sharing our angel with new faces. When I do, I feel myself take that one hesitant breath (like, I'm going to take a chance with you and share something really painful kind of thing) and tell. Most of the time, I'm wearing my angel wing necklace with his name on it, so I sort of grab that if I feel like it's getting awkward or point to it so it's more real for the other person. It's strange. Many days I still just can't believe it all. Yeah, even after all this time, it's still difficult for me, but I guess I'm not unraveling as much. Depends on the day.
Now that I'm pregnant I say that I have a son and one on the way and if they ask a follow up question I just simply say he's an angel now.
It's just so hard and complicated, Nicki. I have found with time, that for me, it is easier (for most of the reasons you mentioned above) to not share Marco - most of the time - though there are still occasions when I do. And not sharing has become easier for me with time - though there is still a sting (sometimes big, sometimes small - depending on the moment/day).
All I can say is - be easy on yourself. You are only doing the best you can at any given time. You are figuring this out as you go - just as your blog title reads "Living my new normal" - this is a new normal -and you are defining it as you go.
Hugs to you,
I have nothing to add. I just wanted to send virtual hugs.
This is a very tough question. As the years have went on my answer has changed. Like Libby said I too am at a point where I tend to keep Arianna's story more private. I think the right answer is whatever bring you the least amount of pain and we all on here know that you are the mother of two.
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