Living my new normal

does answering the question of how many children ever get any easier...

  • This question is so hard. Both of my kids just started a social group last week (D as a peer model although he does have an SLI) and with meeting new moms comes a lot of questions. Both boys, even though 20 months apart, are now the same height. I've been asked several times if they are twins?! With all of the talk about family and moms sharing, it takes me back to those early weeks and months of loss just trying to survive it all. I have become a bit more guarded about sharing our angel with new faces. When I do, I feel myself take that one hesitant breath (like, I'm going to take a chance with you and share something really painful kind of thing) and tell. Most of the time, I'm wearing my angel wing necklace with his name on it, so I sort of grab that if I feel like it's getting awkward or point to it so it's more real for the other person. It's strange. Many days I still just can't believe it all. Yeah, even after all this time, it's still difficult for me, but I guess I'm not unraveling as much. Depends on the day.

    Many hugs,


  • Now that I'm pregnant I say that I have a son and one on the way and if they ask a follow up question I just simply say he's an angel now.

  • It's just so hard and complicated, Nicki.  I have found with time, that for me, it is easier (for most of the reasons you mentioned above) to not share Marco - most of the time - though there are still occasions when I do.  And not sharing has become easier for me with time - though there is still a sting (sometimes big, sometimes small - depending on the moment/day).

    All I can say is - be easy on yourself.  You are only doing the best you can at any given time.  You are figuring this out as you go - just as your blog title reads "Living my new normal" - this is a new normal -and you are defining it as you go.  

    Hugs to you,


  • I have nothing to add. I just wanted to send virtual hugs.


  • This is a very tough question. As the years have went on my answer has changed. Like Libby said I too am at a point where I tend to keep Arianna's story more private. I think the right answer is whatever bring you the least amount of pain and we all on here know that you are the mother of two.