Living my new normal

emotions and realizations

  • Nicki

    I am sorry it was a tough week. I understand your feelings about your friend's pregnancy. I felt relieved when both my sister and sister in law had boys after we lost our daughter.  I would have felt very jealous of either of them had a girl, no matter how hard I would have tried to stuff the feeling down.

    I disagree in a way with the counselor. I think the traditions we make are important because they help our children define their relationship with their angel siblings.  Those moments give them the opportunity to talk about their feelings, even if they don't fully understand everything yet.  I mean, I don't fully understand it, how can a child? This year we didn't go to the cemetery on Hunter and Randi's birthday.  We usually do, but I just didn't feel like it was right for me this year.  A week later, Hunter told me that he felt sad that we didn't go this year and can we please make sure to go next time. It is a tradition that is important for him to feel the connection to his sister and we will do it from now on.  So keep on doing what feels right for you and your family to honor Scott and know that you know what is best for your family.



  • I am so sorry you're going through all this.  It's so unfair that you are raising an only child when you wanted to raise siblings.  It's unfair that Colin doesn't know what it's like to have a brother.  It's unfair that you or your husband have to see a counselor to deal with family or grief.

    It's all just so unfair!!

    You keep doing what you have to do to include Scott in your family.  You ARE a family of four even if only three of you are here right this moment.

    So much love to you,


  • I always find it difficult too when other friends/family announce their pregnancies. I see and hear the excitement they have and I have to fight off that deep down feeling of worry I feel for them due to unfortunately knowing what it is like to lose a baby. It is true, Colin will have a different connection with Scott than you or your husband do but that is good, he will have his own unique brother bond that no one can replace or duplicate. It is their own special bond. Thinking of you!