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so much to share about my week with lots of emotional ups and downs. It was hard as a I posted before packing for the beach. So many flashbacks of what my life was like when I did it 3 years ago. We were scheduled to check into the beach house on 4th of July. Ocean City gets quite busy during that holiday weekend so we decided to spend the day and night on one of the Eastern Shore towns directly on the other side of the Bay Bridge to get ahead of the beach traffic. I really did not want to sit in a traffic jam while on a high bridge over the Chesapeake Bay! The town we went to was so nice and we had fun exploring. My husband grew up in Florida and on the water so he misses that life. I have always wanted to live on the water. so we have been chatting lately about one day not anytime soon moving to the eastern shore. We think it would be great and just a slower pace of life. we were talking about it after dinner when driving to our hotel when my husband made a comment about retiring and so on and it just clicked a switch on for my emotions. 3 years ago when I was grieving I was very focused on death. The fact that my child could die at 2 weeks old was just a reminder to me at how precious life really is. My husband talking about our retirement years freaked me out made me go a little back into that dark place. I could feel myself getting that anxiety. My thoughts started going to the "dark" place. As we continued our journey the next day to our final destination I felt my mood lifting. By the 2nd day at the beach I was back. I told my husband when walking on the beach how I started to go there. I think it was just so much reminders being the 4th July ( that's the day 3 years ago my grieving set in it happened at a parade and the tears just started...) headed to a beach house. but it was different this time. I had those I love most of all with me. My husband, my son, my parents. During the week my younger brother came down and his fiance for a few days. They left and then my older brother came. Then a great surprise when my Sil showed up having been able to get off work. So it brought back good memories for me. Growing up our family vacation every year was ocean city and staying in a condo. Our treat was the beach, we would cook in, hang out, play cards. That is what we did this week and I got to share that with my husband and son.
I also got to have Scott with us in spirit. We had a butterfly visit everyday while we were at the beach. It was a brown and orange butterfly and he would fly up to us while we sat on the beach. He would land on our cooler or on C's sandtoys. We would be in the ocean and he would come flying by. We took c out on a pirate ship one day and we were sailing in the middle of the bay. The butterfly came flying right up to us while on the boat. Our last day on the beach he landed very briefly on me while I sat in a chair near the ocean.
The week started out a little emotional but it got better.
I'm so glad you had a good trip and had some nice family time. I love that Scott was sending a butterfly to you. Even though I know he is always with you, those physical reminders are so special. There is something healing about being at the beach.
I love that a butterfly came and visited you all often while at the beach house. Hope you were able to make some new memories there. Pirate ship sounds like SO much FUN!
I love how God sends a sweet butterfly to remind us of our little ones! We had several visits during our beach trip as well. I'm glad that you were able to deal with your emotions and enjoy your trip as well. It's a tough balance, but you did well!!
That is great that you had a great family trip and was able to navigate with the highs and lows of emotions that came along with it. Even better, it's so great that you saw your butterfly every day and that he even landed on you, how special!
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