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There are times when I just want to stand on my front porch or other people's front porch and yell, "He was Here! He was here two weeks, I held him, I loved him, I hugged and kiss him" I then I want to yell, ' I grew him inside me he was a little boy, beautiful little boy and it doesn't matter if it's been one year or 10 years I will never get over it!"
I just don't get how some people are and continue to be so insensitive. I don't expect peoples lives to revolve around me and what happen. I just want a little sensitivity at times. The same sensitivity that I would and have given to other people dealing with things of their own.
I have a friend who is hosting the playgroup my oldest son is a part of and also the exact same day and time hosting 2012 playgroup as well. Really!? I'm expected to show up and be part of social group that Scott would have been a part of? These babies would have been some of his first friends, I would have been there right along side these moms complaining about baby issues like sleeping, teething etc. and then when I was talking about it with another friend who has a daughter in my son' playgroup she just brushes it off like no big deal, just don't come... It's not like this is a get together were a bunch of moms and kids are getting together and their happens to be babies. this one group is something my child would have specifically been a part of.
I have certain people in my life including inlaws that I just want to ask, "When does it count?" does the baby have to live longer than two weeks? have attended their first day of school? taken their first steps? When is a mom, dad allowed to be sad and have difficulty with the fact that their child is not here with us? I have inlaws who have acted like we should have never really been devastated to begin with like he was just a baby. The ONLY Family my husband had at our child's funeral was his parents. No one else. His uncle couldn't bother to come when he was the one person Mike was calling daily and confiding in. His sister gave us some bogus excuse and then it turns out her husband's travel for work at that time was here and he was only an hour away. so when we find this out we realize she just couldn't be bothered.
How can people be so insensitive? I really at this point want to tell some people to go F' themselves but then realize I'm a better person so therefore I choose to write and vent instead.
I'm so sorry that your family and friends are being so insensitive. I'm not sure what to say -- because I experienced similar things after i lost my sons in March 2007. Everyone's around, and then can't be bothered. Or, ones who profess their love and support in a normal situation can't be found. Your baby counted the moment he was created -- and will always count ... to all of us here, and always to you. Take a break from these other folks if you can and surround yourself with people who are supportive -- in every way, every day. I know that helped me stay strong around people who chose not to try to understand what I was going through.
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with insensitive people on top of everything else. It especially hurts when it's your family causing the extra hurt. I experienced similar situations with my own parents and sister. It's like it wasn't real to them. Nothing like this had ever happened in the family so nobody really knew what to do or how to be. My older sister was pregnant with her first at the same time. She couldn't be around me and I was so angry when she kept making comments like "I know this is going to happen to me" or "my baby is going to be a preemie." We had a falling out. I have issues with my mom (who doesn't right), but I was especially hurt when she offered so much to help out after our son died. Where was she the week prior or months prior when I was at home on bedrest getting up every 5 seconds to care for a 3 year old and an 18 month old until my husband came home? I needed the help then and sometimes I feel like if I had more help (or people offering to help instead of me asking), maybe things would be different. I had undiagnosed preeclampsia, so no wonder I was feeling lousy and extra tired. My favorite is when people think you're doing better because you don't talk about it as much as you did before. No, it's that one is tired of hearing the hurtful comments, so you don't bother to talk about it with them and save it for special conversation with people who do understand. It just sucks any way you analyze it. I learned to separate myself from the negative (people). When I couldn't find people to talk to who understood or who were available, I came to Share.
Hold onto those precious moments with your heavenly son and keep putting on a brave face for your older one. You're doing an amazing job! Here to listen anytime.
Hugs!! I'm so sorry that people are being so insensitive to your feelings. It's so frustrating when friends, and especially family just pretend like nothing happened when all you want to do is scream they were here and they mattered.
I get this! I feel like no one in my "real world" remembers her. Her birthday will come and pass and many parents wont say a word. They once said it was because they didn't want to hurt me... what hurts is when people forget! So many people who have not walked these shoes are insensitive and just don't get it! Sending you a million hugs!
It's so hard to get our families to understand which when you think about it..they should be the ones that understand the most! Grief has no time limit and life doesn't either. I too held my son, kissed, and hugged him and yet people act like they were just a figment of our imagination! Hopefully it gets easier...right?!?
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