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It took a long time for me to get to a place where I could actually say I was happy again.  It took our family a long time to get to place where we felt happy and not sad all the time.  It has taken my husband a long time to get to a good place and to let go of his anger.  It has actually just happened this summer when he actually found a hobby.  I have been on him to find something that would get him out of the house doing something other than work.  He found something and the happiness I see him and the anger practically gone.  It's good.  So Me, and my husband and our son C all in a good place since Scott's death.  It took time and lots of it.  Things are going along good we got a good routine and schedule. I had my part time job and were are in a really good groove.  and then here we go about to upset the entire apple cart...but the more I we talk about it, the more we research, the more we take the time to really look at the Colin's past two years of school we realize the decision we have made is the right one.  So November 1, 2016 we will start homeschooling.  

It's one of those things that have always been in the back of my head like a little nagging thought...but I never spoke the words aloud thinking it was just another way for me to want to hang on to C.  But I finally spoke the words aloud right before School started.  My husband was just "amusing" me at first until he started talking to his coworkers and finding out that many homeschool.  C is a child that loves to learn.  He loves going to museums, he loves reading non fiction.  I joked the other day at the library when were picking on more books they had on hold on his latest random topics( quicksand, sword in the stone, Queen of England) that when C was through with me I will be able to go on Jeapardy.  The librarian laughed and told me she thinks that is a possibility.  ( she has helped C may times find his books on his many topics)  C likes to be engaged, likes to be hands on and loves just immersing himself in what ever he is learning about.  He is not getting that at school.  We realize he is bored and that he just doesn't fit the "school mold" We also feel his school is just too big for him.  His school this year as 900 students.  For him it's too much, too many kids on the playground, it's too hard for him to find his place when at school.  Every time he makes friends they end up scattered the next year.

I have stressed, worried, for days.  I couldn't eat, I slepted and my mind was racing so much while I slept that I couldn't get a good nights rest.  I just didn't know.  Was I making the right decision considering this?  What would people think?  Then the Friday of C first week of school he woke up so excited and got dressed as soon as he got out of bed. My husband and I baffled at why he was so excited.  He had the same excitement as when we leave for a vacation.  So I asked him, he told me he was excited and happy that the next day was saturday and no school.  Now yes kids get excited for the weekends but that was a bit extreme.  That's when I knew that he didn't like school and that was my "sign" my thing I knew would present itself telling me if I should or should not do this. We told C the other day and he seems excited a bit unsure since it's something so new but interested.

As I have found ( and as of last night ordered it!)  the curriculum we are going to use I am more excited. C is going to love it.  His Social Studies is engaging and he gets to start learning about the world from the beginning and work up.  He is so excited about this since his latest obsession is Indiana Jones.  He loves drawing I found a book that is draw your way through history.  It teaches you how to draw something from the time period you are learning about.  His Science will be hands on, and lots of experiments.  His math will teach him using comic strips.  I envision him flourishing and growing leaps and bounds once we start.

I have stressed over the past year at what I will be when I grow up.  All my friends getting back into their careers now that their kids are older or finding new avenues to go down. I realize now I am meant to take my teaching degree and use towards the best person I know my son.  

Because he now will be homeschooled in a few weeks and not getting off the bus at 4:20 yeah!  We have let him sign up for Boyscouts.  He was already attending the School of Rock so we were limiting is activities because of not enough time in the day.  But now he can do both.  The smile he had when he came home from his first pack meeting was worth it.  I have found so many homeschool opportunities in our area from a P.E. class offered, to classes offered at our nature center.  There is even a meet up group near us.

It's still scary what we are about to do, and it still makes me wonder if I will do a good job. It's scary realizing I am now out of the workforce indefinitely.  But I believe in my heart this is what is meant to be.   So here we go turning our household upside again but at least this time it's in an exciting way with a fun new adventure.  and it's the most excited, the most happy I have felt since before my son died...and it's a good feeling to finally feel that again.