Living my new normal

I just need to talk about him

  • I say the same thing "it's okay", I really am at a loss on what to say when people tell me they are sorry. So I tell them it's okay. Okay for what? Okay for them to be sorry because your right it is not okay that our children are gone. We should all get together and come up with a losing your child handbook. Then again it would have a lot of blank pages because nothing with this journey is predictable. I too hope that you are able to get that feeling again. It sounds like it was a very moving experience. I am glad that you found a therapist that just lets you talk freely about Scott. She sounds great. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hugs.


  • It took me a long time to be able to deal with other people's emotions when it comes to talking about Tristan and Gunnar. FInally, I realized that I'm not responsible for how they feel or react to the fact that my children have died. We are so socialized to try to make everything okay that we censor ourselves at the first sign of someone else's discomfort because we're "nice." It's not natural to exclude the most important people in our lives because someone else can't deal with it. You're right that another family member's death would be treated very differently.

    I'm glad you had such a positive experience with your therapist. It took me five tries to find the right one and it makes a big difference. I hope that she continues to lead you down a path that makes you feel more comfortable talking about Scott on your terms. I wish we all were able to talk together about the little ones we miss, but "regular" people will have to do.

    I've had those fantasies, too, especially when I see my friends' children who were born around the time my twins should have been. It's awesome on the one hand and a fresh heartbreak on the other. I feel like that cycle will continue always.

    I give you permission to talk about Scott to whomever you want to whenever you want, regardless of how they react. For whatever that's worth...