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I was going through pictures the other day that were taken before Scott passed away.  Pictures that are always so hard to look at.  Like the one of Colin kissing Scott one last time, the only family photo of the 4 of us we have.  My only regret is that I don't have one of just colin and Scott.  As I was looking at the photos in the background is a nurse that Scott had and an awesome one at that.  She is the nurse that was with him quite a bit over the 2 weeks he lived and the nurse that stayed past her shift when she knew that Scott would be passing soon.  Mike and I were not there when he passed so it helps to know that he was held during his last breath because I know that she held him without even asking.  She also was the one who made me hold him one last time.

 I was planning on visiting Scott once we made the decision to take him off of life support.  I had said my goodbyes that day and than left.  I thought he would pass within the next 24 hrs and I was going to just let things happen.  But when he was still alive 48 hours later and I had just planned his funeral I had to go back.  But I didn't want to hold him.  Crazy that a mom doesn't want to hold her dying baby but it would have been so hard.  i was just talking to him and holding his hand when the nurse told me she didn't ask she ordered me to sit down and handed me my baby to hold.  I held him for about an hour than put him back in his bed and than the minister came him and we all said a prayer.  Before I left I told him that it was okay for him to let go and to die.  I hate that those words ever had to be said.  As a mother you should never have to tell your child that and yet I did.  He passed away that night.

But even though it was hard to hold him one last time I'm glad I did because I think I would have had regret if I hadn't.  and that nurse will always hold a special place in my heart.

A few pics I am posting of Scott that I just recently been sharing with others.