I want to thank everyone who commented and can understand what we are going through with my husbands family. I hate that you all have to go through it as much as we do. In the end it's just not right.
My husband sent a very calm,letter to his sister just bringing up all the things that he is upset with and how how he is tired of all the secrets in the family. He talked about how it's not right that everyone is going to this wedding when no one could be there for him 3 years ago. I was proud of my husband for finally bringing it all out to light. Although we knew that it was going to be the beginning of the end. You don't expect people in my husbands family to be responsible for their actions or for them to accept it and say they were wrong then to apologize and try to fix. His family just brushes it under the " giant rug" of problems and pretends it isn't there. Although we knew this it still hurts, and still angers me when I receive an email from the "great wonderful" Brother in law. ( he felt the need to send it to me too) today the first day of June and on my husbands birthday when they had all weekend to respond. I don't believe in coincidences like that and know he and his sister purposely waited til my husbands birthday to reply.
My BIL started his email like he was talking to one of the airmen that are ranked beneath. He wrote the letter so that no matter how we would respond we will always be in the wrong be the "jerks" of the family. He states how he was in the area for the funeral but if he recalls correctly it was 3 years ago he just wasn't able to get away. first off recall? want to talk about recalling stuff I can recall every minute of every day of June years ago. and if it wasn't a big deal then why did they hide it until my SIL slipped about it a few weeks later? He responded in a way that he made it clear that we should be over it since it was 3 years ago.
Than he has the nerve to tell my husband he needs therapy to deal with these myopic symptoms he has and get to the root of the problem.
and then we get to the Sist'er's email full of love and I'm not going to let you end our relationship even though she does not bring up anything my husband was trying to discuss. But at the very end she throws in a zinger, a sucker punch. About their dad and how he was mean to him and drags my son into it with a statement of how would you like it if your son did this to you....she knows all that went down a year ago when we helped. She knows that we decided To pull Scott off of life support on Father's day. and now she says this.... she also says that she will still be calling to wish a happy birthday today to him and tomorrow to my son. so phone is going off the hook so we can salvage today.
any wisdom, any you all got to keep me calm. I know that responding is what My BIL wants he likes to "stir the pot" he is loving every minute of this. So I am refraining for responding for now at least. I just hate how this was said and made us to look like the bad guys. I hate that they did it on my husbands birthday. I hate they started my June with this. I know most likely the relationships are done and they will be cut out of our life. But how do I be there for my husband till he digest it and realizes it is really over?
OH and the people who couldn't bother to visit us for the past 3 years also said in their emails that the wanted to visit when passing through town on their way to their new place to live...that they hope it won't make it awkward and that they will be accepted.
The bottom line is no one came 3 years ago when my husband needed them but they are all spending money and time to fly to a wedding for a cousin/niece who won't notice they are there.
and I have done so well not stress eating in the past few months and those idiots made it all go out the window!!!!!!
Brushing it under the rug is about right with my family as well. When things unfolded with my older sibling, it was the night before our first March for Babies walk. A year later, when my grandmother passed, she tried to reach out with a 1 or 2 line email, but never an apology. I kept silent. It is hard to maintain a relationship with those who aren't there for you emotionally in your time of need. I think many a family member assume that one would "be over" a loss with time. They don't understand just how devastating it can continue to be with each passing year and milestone. It's so awful that they just can't imagine or don't want to think about all of the decisions you've been forced to make. People just get so wrapped up in themselves. There should be grief etiquette. Isn't there?
Continue to listen and be there for your husband just as you have. Maybe some of those others might come around in time, but if not, it sounds like you're prepared to let them go. I stress eat too. I guess I'm stressed all the time, but I'm functioning and happy-ish. It sucks when it's your own family who hurts you. This is your month. Don't let others take away from your celebration plans.
Sending love and hugs,
Just... wow... holy wow. Our discussion on this topic in real life has gone deeper than anyone on Share would care to hear me elaborate on. I simply had to post my disgust with these people.
Love and hugs.
So sorry you are going through this right now. Glad to hear your husband stood up for himself. Hopefully things can calm down a bit, sounds stressful right now.
O M G. I'm so sorry, good night what a ... wait I can't find ANY Share friendly language to use.
Scott's life and his story are so special... and in my humble opinion your in laws aren't worthy of it. They just aren't- and it is THEIR loss not yours and not Scott's or C's. They are not deserving of knowing the love and in turn grief you share with Scott.
And when all is said and done, "Don't try to win over the haters- you're not a jackass whisperer".
Oh my gosh, they are quite the piece of work. I am so sorry that you have to deal with people like that, it's so frustrating as like I said before your family are the ones that are supposed to be there for you, not treating you worse than they would treat their own friends who aren't even connected by blood. Lauren is right, it's their loss, not yours. I just wish they could pull their heads out to see it and see how special and important your sweet guy is. Hugs mama.
It's good that your husband let them know how he felt, now the ball is in their court to make the situation better. Continue to be there for your husband and don't waste your time responding to them just enjoy your family and don't allow them to have the power to make you upset. In the end you are not the bad guys and Scott would be proud of you guys.
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