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well I did it I survived registering C for Kindergarten today. It was hard really hard but no major meltdowns just some teary eyed moments. The one thing I am finding with things like this is I always get that thought of, " I will never do this for Scott." I guess I will always have that. Probably be at C's graduation one day and think the same thing....My brain was in such a fog and I had to try really hard to concentrate to make sure I was filling the forms out correctly. I have found situations as these my brain tends to shut down and I end up being a major space cadet. I guess it's my body's way of protecting me from more pain.
The other thing that is so hard in these situations like today are the people who mean to be well meaning and just trying to lighten the mood but end up with the foot in their mouth...Something was said by the one the parent volunteers running the registration which prompted my response of nope not excited one bit about this milestone for my child. Which resulted in one saying well I was upset for my first child but the 2nd one I was happy to send off and then the other parent made a similar comment. I am learning that yes I could have said something but then it would just have made a more awkward moment and I just wanted to get done and get out. People really just don't get that some people have a tougher time having kids than others and things go horribly wrong. But than I was obviously once too...
Survived today now just need to get through tomorrows teacher conference with C's teacher at preschool...and no it wasn't by accident that I happen to make sure to register him for Kindergarten before the conference. ;p No matter what she tries to tell me I will just simply say he was registered yesterday. I have had so many friends who are teachers some in the business for 30 years who have told me not to listen and that he is just fine and will do just fine next year.
I know what you mean about registration being emotional. I know Ansley was ready for school, but when you're required to bring a birth certificate and I had to look at both girls' certificates to get the right one to take with me and put the other back....it broke my heart!!! I just remember that day being so difficult. Another "first" that I didn't see coming.
I can certainly see how registering C for kindergarten would have been emotional. One thing that is so difficult about being a baby loss mama, is having to hear those types of comments regularly. What one parent might think is a funny/harmless/maybe even helpful comment, turns out to be one that causes pain to another parent. And we never know when they're coming. Their like little land mines that hit us.
Hope that the conference goes well!
Many many hugs momma! I cried like a baby and every year Jadon completes a year I cry then cry when he starts the next year. Heck I cried the day I walked Jadon in and knew that it *should have* been the year I walked Trinity in. Someone told me that day as we were all carrying in supplies, at least you only have one (this was before the though of Jaxson crossed our minds) I looked at the man in the face and said "no what I wouldn't give to be walking in two sets of supplies like I am *supposed to be doing, I *should be* walking in two this year and I'm not. I should have a daughter starting Kindergarten this year" He apologized. Think some people just do not realize how blessed they are and they take these milestones for granted! Ignorance if bliss they say....
Oh I'm so sorry about the comments people make, people really don't know that some of us don't live out "typical" child and sibling scenarios.
My brain also goes into space cadet mode sometimes in public to protect myself. Anything having to do with school paperwork is hard for me, as it does make me think of the "might have beens."
And good for you, for making the choice about C starting Kindergarten, don't worry about what his PreK teacher says tomorrow!
Glad registration went well. I think that feeling of feeling cheated because of the things you will never do with a child that has passed will always be there nlo matter how much time passes.
I am dreading registering Keira for Kindergarten. You are right it is just something that some parents don't understand and I pray they never do. I hope the conference goes well and she just smiles and nods and tells you how wonderful C is doing. Sending you lots of hugs as you near this dreaded day.
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