Living my new normal

letting go more of my grief

  • Oh Nicole, I am so glad you had this weekend.  Colin's gift is making me cry - its so sweet.  I do that busy busy busy thing too.  Its hard to let go of that need to just keep your mind going.  I am so glad you did and that letting go of the distractions let you have such a joyful weekend full of wonderful memories.  And especially that Scott sent you a sign to let you know he was happy to see you happy.  Reading this makes me smile.



  • This is such a beautiful post.  I love that Scott said hi to you through that butterfly and that you could feel him wanting you to be happy.  

    Colin will definitely remember that night of ice cream in the rain and you being there, really present in that moment with him.

    Much love to you,


  • It makes me happy to hear that you are able to enjoy the little things in life and to create happy memories with Colin without feeling guilty.  I will pray that this feeling of happiness will continue to shine throughout all your days ahead.


  • Oh Nicki - what a beautiful post.  I'm so glad that you got away this weekend and really were able to unwind and enjoy yourself.  We do what we need to do while we grieve.  It sounds like for the first time in a long time you were able to really just relax and let go a bit.  Wonderful memories that you made, indeed!  

    I know that feeling too of letting go of that feeling like you want to/have to tell everyone about the baby you lost.  In fact, I recently just wrote about this.  Our little ones always know that we love them no matter what.  If you keep him to yourself when asked how many kids you have, that does not mean that you love him any less.  The heart of a mother who has lost a baby is an extremely tender one, and you just have to tune in and listen to what it needs.



    p.s. Skeeball is my favorite arcade game!!

  • Nikki,

    I am so glad that you had such and incredibly healing weekend. You are so right it is OK to keep Scott to yourself sometimes. I do this simply because I do not want to deal with other people's reactions when I share Arianna. Sometimes I just want the conversation to stay simple and superficial.

    What a wonderful gift that C gave you. He is such a sweet and thoughtful little boy. I am super jealous of your awesome weekend. Also love how the butterfly was yellow, definitely Scott saying hi.



  • OMG Nicole,

    I love this blog!! You really gave me goosebumps!! It is so amazing to see you have reach such an amazing point in your journey.  Your story brought me to HAPPY tears!!

    Happy Tears and Big hugs,