as I had posted last week my husband threw a Mardi Gras party for our friends and family. It was a lot of fun and everyone enjoyed themselves. C loved handing out beads to everyone as they came into the door. He had a silly pointed hat he wore which he said made him look like the statue of liberty. I will make sure to attach a photo. =)
But as with everything when learning to live this new normal although the excitement was there something hit me the day of the party....we were throwing a party here at our house. We hadn't done that since Colin's 3rd birthday bash which turned out to be the last normal day of our "perfect" happy lives. The day after is when everything starting going down hill. So naturally I have this thought and think so what's going to happen this week. All week I was on egg shells waiting for something to happen. Add to that my husband had to go out of town this week for work which he hasn't had to do since Scott passed away. So it was relief when he went and came back without any issues. The hardest part for me seems to be now just dealing with the irrational thoughts that pop in my head. That knowing that it happened and can happen to you. But another first under our belt so C's bday party this year which we plan on having here should not be as hard...maybe..
It's amazing how happy events can be such big triggers. I know from experience the anxiety gets so much better in time. Many hugs.
There are firsts that we anticipate and are very aware of...first holiday, first anniversary, etc....but then there are all the other more ordinary firsts that we don't even really think of - they sneak up on us.
Love that picture of C :)
Even after four years I'm afraid to be happy sometimes. As soon as I start to feel at peace, I wonder when it will all come crashing down. You're so right that these feelings are part of the new normal.
I know how this feels, there are these moments in time that really just knock you down. Moments that we don't even see coming. I am glad that C had a good time at the party. He looks absolutely adorable as usual. Lots of luck with C's party planning.
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