As the holidays are approaching and I walk through the stores buying gifts, and decor with the holiday music on the speakers it would seem that all is right in my world. I love Christmas and all that comes with it decorating, buying gifts, seeing family and friends such a happy joyful time of year. Yet I walk through these stores now and my eyes well up with tears, and my thoughts go to what should have been. I should be buying toys for two boys, there should be someone else here. 4 years ago our lives changed forever and not in the way we thought it would. I was pregnant with my 2nd child another boy. Life was grand, perfect I would have said. I was almost 37 weeks my son just turned 3 and our new bundle of joy was expected soon. I was as big as a house and just couldn't wait for this baby to pop out of me. Then in an instant it all changed. Our lives changed in a way we never thought it would, never would allow ourselves to think that it could happen to us. I stopped feeling fetal movement. Although they got my baby moving things were not going to turn out as we hoped. I was induced at exactly 37 weeks and my baby was born so beautiful, so perfect already 6 lbs. But he couldn't move, couldn't breathe on his own, couldn't do simple things such as gagging, or swallowing. He couldn't even cry. He spent 2 weeks in the NICU. It was in the NICU I held my baby for the first time after a nurse heard I hadn't held him yet, he was already a day old. He was two days old when we were told his current NICU couldn't give him the care he needed so he was moved, he took his first car ride in an ambulance with hospital staff across town to spend his final days in a Level IV NICU. They tried so hard there to fix my son, to give me reasons why he was born this way. All they could figure out was that his brain did not work. All they could tell me was there was no cure. All they could tell me was he wasn't going to get better. My precious baby Scott died on his 2 week birthday. My family was devastated the next chapter in our books written completely wrong not the way it was suppose to be. We were sad, heartbroken, and had nothing left to give to anyone, no hope left. Then we found the March of Dimes. We found that they do so much for babies and their families. They offer support and they fund research. Our life was given purpose again, we found a way to honor our baby by supporting the March of Dimes. We walk every year as a family and my son will proudly tell you he walks for his brother Scott to help other babies go home. The March of Dimes healed our broken family. It gave us a way to have some control back after our son Scott died, allowed us to start breathing again, remembering him and talking about him without always being sad.
I agree with you Nicole, its really sad to go shopping when you know you should be buying for two instead of just one. Its hard to look at the tags on the presents that will never have their names. Abbey also proudly tells everyone that we "march for the babies" so that no one else has to lose their big sister. So much love to you and your family as you remember Scott this holiday season.
Love and Hugs
Wish I could give you a huge hug in person! Know I'm thinking of you and both your boys this holiday season.
Holidays are tough, I agree. We should be buying another set of presents and creating new memories but instead can't. So sorry Scott is not there with you and your family. Thinking of you!
You're story is almost identical to mine, everything was going well but Genevieve was unresponsive and had to be resuscitated upon her delivery. She was helicoptered to a NICU that gave her the best care possible. After 8 days we were told she was brain dead and they could not give us a definitive cause only that at some point during delivery she was deprived of oxygen. Honoring Scott through supporting March of Dimes is such a positive and effective way to effect awareness for a worthy cause.
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
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