Last year was our first Holidays without Scott. We expected them not to be easy. Needless to say they were hard, we basically had the attitude just get through them. Thanksgiving turned out to be harder than I expected last year with a meltdown occurring and me lying in bed with Mike for an hour just being sad. Not easy to go through that when the inlaws are in town especially when you have the inlaws I do...
This year I am excited about the holidays, excited about having C who is at that perfect age to enjoy all the festivities and magic of the holidays. I have been going "full throttle" with things and already making gifts for xmas etc. Once again it's those days when you really think the day is going to be good and instead it smacks you right upside the head instead.
So hear is how our Thanksgiving went:
First there was the whining from C. anything he could find to whine about he did till of course I snapped. I yelled and then sent him to his room. I did go up a few minutes later and talked to him and used his plastic tools to find the whines and pull them out. ( which he found quite amusing) we decided since the all the whines were now removed he wouldn't be able to whine no more that day.
Then I was enjoying watching the parade with C and watching the floats, bands etc. It was nice to actually have some downtime and sit with C without having everyday life/chores distracting me. Then the husband decides to say the word no little boy can resist outside...I was ready to throttle my husband. He saw how much I was enjoying watching the parade with C. So I mention it to him and he decides that we'll go outside later...well of course the words have been said, C is now mad and he keeps asking if the parade is over.
Then the dog escapes from the kitchen and decides to grab a ball of yarn from my knitting project and run down the hallway. I finally catch up to him and thankfully no harm was done to the project during this escapade. at this point I"m to my breaking point. The day is not going how I had it in my head and I'm now officially annoyed with everyone male member in the house...so I say I'm going upstairs to shower.
In the shower I meltdown...and realize that i've been trying to make things to perfect and then when something goes wrong it causes me to get upset because I now have no control. I realize I've been trying to make everything seem like it's okay and putting on the "everything is good' face for everyone and trying to make everyone happy and forgetting about me and that sometimes I just need to be sad. so I had a good long cry in the shower.
then husband comes in when I'm brushing my teeth and we end up getting in an argument because we both are on edge at this point. Then I hear him downstairs watching the parade with C which just makes me more crazy. finally after another good cry we finally talk and work it out.
We then go and have a yummy lunch at a local Chinese restaurant and see Frozen. Which by the way is an awesome movie. In my opinion one of the best ones Disney has put out in a while and the music was great. It was like watching an animated broadway production.
So I'm now in a pretty good place and finally enjoying my day. My husband and C seem to be doing the same. We go home and to get some things, feed puppy then plan on going to visit with my parents.
But wouldn't you know...the puppy decides to get his head caught under the dishwasher...I am yelling for my husband to come downstairs because I cannot get it out. I am freaking out and he comes tearing in the room and finally is able to get him free. C was crying, I was shaking, and my husband was just about coming undone himself. As my husband said afterwards he was just staring to get attached to the dog...so Elvis is fine and all is well there. But we all were pretty shaken up.
We finally get to my parents and we have some yummy ice cream cake C picked out. It looked like a roast turkey.
So another day of living our new normal and just trying to hard to make everything perfect....
Hopefully our real Family Thanksgiving taking place on Sat. will be a lot less dramatic...if not I'm going to need lots of chocolate and wine.
I'm sorry Thanksgiving was such an up and down day. Our holidays are always that extra reminder of who we are missing no matter how much we try to fill them up and make them perfect for everyone else. I'm glad you have yourself time to cry and let yourself grieve for Scott. Also glad the pup is ok, how scary! I hope your celebration today is nice. And by the way, I'm going to have to borrow your whine removal system :).
I have totally been there! I am sorry for the crazy hectic and emotional day. I think that so often we try and mask our emotions and play the "perfectly happy" role a little too well. To the point where we well...snap. So much about this "new normal" is unpredictable and up in the air. It's no wonder we want the things we can control or at least think that we can control to be perfect. I hope that yesterday's meal went great and you were able to have a nice relaxing enjoyable day. Sending you lots of extra hugs for the holidays.
P.S. you know they make chocolate wine. lol
I think you should have plenty of chocolate and wine on hand whether things are going well or not! I'm sorry that this holiday is not going as well as you'd hoped. I find the harder I try to make things perfect, the more there is to go wrong, so I stopped trying. I do what I can. There is no way for anything to be perfect again after losing what we have. I don't have any good advice except to be gentle with yourself. I hope that the rest of the holiday season goes better than Thanksgiving did.
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