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I find the busier I keep myself the more centered I feel and it helps me get through everyday without thinking about how my life should really be. When Colin started school my plan was to be active in the PTA and do stuff for that. But I have found that it just wasn't a good fit for me. I have been volunteering in his class once a week, and helping in his technology class once a week. ( wow could those kids teach me some stuff about computers...) I like helping people and doing things for others and have been searching for ways to do that more.
The past 3 years since Scott has died I haven't been very religious. I still have a lot of things I'm working through on the whole God thing. But I love my church and the people who attend there. But I didn't feel right attending church when I wasn't participating in the service or really actively believing in everything that was being preached. Recently our church hired a new minister. She is someone that I could be friends with. I sat down with her one day and talked with her and told her how I was feeling and why. Explaining the circumstances that has brought me to were I"m at. She not only understood, she didn't try to make me change my mind on how I felt. I told her how I loved our church and the people who go there and all the outreach they do for the community. She simply told me that everyone should come to church as they are. She said a church should be welcoming of people wherever they are at in their faith. That I should come even if it is just to see my friends I had made at church or as I call them my church family. To come even if it's because I want to be part of the community outreach programs they do. So since then I have been attending church. I don't participate in the service and I refuse to pray. I have been taking my son to Sunday school and he loves it. As long as he keeps liking it I will take him. While he is in Sunday school before the service I sit in the lobby and knit. My sitting there knitting as helped me start forming stronger bonds and new relationships with my church family since I have the chance to sit and chat with them.
My church as recently started a new outreach program which I am very excited about. There is a local school that has low income families in which the children need meals for the weekend. Our church is going to start providing backpacks to the school that has food for these children on the weekends. Having taught in a school where I had students that lived lives where there was not enough food, they didn't know where they would be sleeping that night and parents that were incarcerated I know how they can't focus on their education if their basic needs aren't being met. I am excited to be able to helped out with this new program. I have become the official overseer of the food and organizer. ( they know me well since I love to organize things) I am learning through all this that church doesn't soley have to be about sitting in a pew worshiping God. It can be about doing good things for others and forming positive relationships with others through the good deeds. It's what has been missing in my life these past few years and it feels good to be getting that in my life.
It feels good to have a purpose that is helping others.
Nikki, I love this post. In fact you just made me cry!I am so happy that you have found a way to serve yourself by serving others. I was raised in an odd hybrid of religions, and most church services had me going away feeling very guilty, or that I was a farce because my heart wasn't always in it. I have come to the conclusion that serving others is quite possibly the most God like thing we can do, as we were supposedly created to love one another. Thank you for all you are doing and for reminding me.
Love and Hugs
I think that it is great that you've found a great match with giving to others as well as getting back what you need. I have felt that need a lot this year. It is so hard to get just the right balance, but it sounds like you are finding it. They are so lucky to have you and your help. Food for kids is a great cause too. I taught in a low income school and it is just heart breaking to imagine those sweet kids being hungry. Thank you for taking care of other people's kids. They truly need you.
That is great that you have met a new minister that has helped you work through some issues you were having. It's also great all the volunteer work you are doing! I was reading your post and found out that I am similar with you in that I also thought I was going to help out with my son's PTA at school but then decided it wasn't a good fit and now help out in the school library! Regardless of where you are helping, you are making a great difference!
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